


Oceans

by Katmstanton



Series: Oceans Series [1]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Falling In Love, Slow Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:20:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 36,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24389557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katmstanton/pseuds/Katmstanton
Summary: What happens when two oceans collide on one island? Will the island remain standing or will it fall under the waves? Olivia knows her life is not the normal but it's hers. What happens when two forces collide on her at once?
Relationships: Noah Porter Benson & Elliot Stabler, Noah Porter Benson & Olivia Benson, Olivia Benson/Elliot Stabler, Rafael Barba & Noah Porter Benson, Rafael Barba/Olivia Benson
Series: Oceans Series [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1761124
Comments: 11
Kudos: 43





	1. 1

**Chapter 1:**

It was late when he walked through the glass doors and made his way to the dimly lit office. He had made this walk more times than he could count and he already knew what would be waiting for him in the next room. He knew she would be there staring at paperwork and deep in thought without realizing how late it was. 

As he walked up to the door he looked at her. He had known she was good looking from the first moment they met but right now, in this moment, he knew she was beautiful.

“Hey. Still working I see?” He said as he tapped on the open door. 

“Well isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black?” Olivia replied to the intruder of her quiet night as she gave a subtle grin and motioned for him to take a seat. 

She had been working on reports and paperwork for the last few hours after sending everyone home. When she looked at the clock she saw it was another midnight drive home and yet another missed bedtime with Noah. She sighed as she leaned back rubbing her face with her palms. 

The last few weeks have been a killer on the squad and it was taking a toll on all of them, including the 18 month old asleep in his crib at home. She missed her little boy and felt guilty that she had missed so much over the past week. 

“What bring you by this late counselor? No evening plans with a damsel in distress?” Olivia asked Barba. She laughed as she did and he just gave her his iconic judgey eye look before shaking his head. He knew he shouldn’t have told her about his failed date from a few weeks prior. 

“I’ll have you know she was a lovely woman who just failed to understand how dating works.” He retorted. Olivia laughed out loud as she stated 

“Ha! Barb she threw herself in the ground on your first date stating you were her knight in shining armor and there to have your babies.” Barba cringed at the memories and just glared at Olivia for bringing it up. 

“Yea and trust me that will not be happening. I see enough of that craziness around here.” He stated dryly. 

Michelle wasn’t crazy when they met. It was the opposite actually. She had slipped as she was walking up the courthouse steps and he was able to stop her from hitting her head. After exchanging words and smiles he had asked her to dinner and the rest was history. He had told Olivia about it the following week when they were grabbing lunch. 

“Whew, I needed that laugh!” Olivia stated as she stopped laughing at the memory. 

She looked at the clock again and groaned. She really wished she was home snuggling Noah and wished she didn’t let time get the best of her today. 

As she looked back at her friend she narrowed her eyes. “So what are you doing here Barba?” 

“I was at Forlini’s. I saw the light on when I drove by so I stopped. I knew you would still be here. I figured I’d stop and see you.” He replied as he saw her rub her face again. “What’s wrong?” He asked. 

“I missed bedtime again. I haven’t been home before bedtime all week and I’m sure Noah has forgotten who I am.” Olivia stated with emotions in her voice. 

“He hasn’t forgotten about you. That little boy adores you!” He stayed with a smile. 

He knew that her world began and ended with Noah. When he first met Noah he did not know what to do and he still didn’t. He was not comfortable around children and preferred the rigidness of the courtroom to that of unknowns with children. Although he did admit the little boy was adorable and smiled at thought. 

“What am I doing anymore Barb? Here I am in the middle of the night doing paperwork and reports while I have a toddler at home. I have no love life. My life consists of police work, sippy cups, and keeping track of a stuffed penguin that can’t be more than 2 feet from Noah or he will have a fit.” Olivia stated while looking at Barba. 

He was lounging in the chair with his feet propped up and a smug look on his face. He enjoyed letting her ramble and found it amusing to know the penguin he gave Noah for Christmas was his favorite. Although he didn’t know why. 

“I don’t know about you but the Olivia Benson I know is a badass, headstrong, stubborn woman who can take down many with just a few words. She is someone I call a dear friend and who is an amazing mother to an adorable little boy. I don’t know what happens in your bedroom but I know that the right man hasn’t stepped up to really show you just how to love yet. You’ll find him. Just let it happen.” Barba responded as he smiled his grin that he usually saved for when he needed to get his way. 

He had no idea where that last bit came from and he didn’t regret saying it either. He had heard that her love life was tumultuous and had heard the rumors about her and her previous partner. 

Olivia looked back at him and smiled. “Thank you Barb.” She really did enjoy his company and even though he was an arrogant and egotistical assmost of the time she also knew he was a romantic at heart. 

“Anytime Detective. Anytime.” He stated as he stood up and put his hand out. “Come on. I’ll take you home. It’s Friday and you have someone who I’m sure is missing you at home even if he’s not able to tell you yet.” She smiled and took his hand. 

Olivia let him help her up and walked around to turn off the lamp in her office and grab her belongings. As they walked out and onto the street he led her to his car and she was taken back at his choice of cars. 

“Well counselor, looks like your car choices are a little out of my range. Don’t get me wrong, I like it.. But wow!” She stated as they walked closer to his Jaguar F- Type Coupe. “Aren’t you afraid someone will hit it or damage it?” She said. 

“Yes. That’s why I only take it out on special occasions. Anyway it’s not the outside that’s important. It’s what, or who, is inside.” He stated as he eyed her. 

When he opened the door for her she smiled as she got in and got settled. She felt a little out of her realm in the car and especially with him tonight. She knew he was well off and she knew he had expensive tastes just by the suits he wore but she was taken back by this. 

They drove in silence and she was glad she wasn’t driving. She could feel sleep clawing at her and before she realized it Barba was waking her outside of her apartment. “Olivia.. wake up. Liv..” he said as he gently rubbed her arm 

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I guess I didn’t realize just how tired I am.” She stayed as she went to get out of the car. 

“There’s no need to apologize Olivia. Not with me. Ever.” He replied and smiled at her as she got out and walked into the apartment. 

As she walked in the apartment she looked back and saw him looking at her and smiled.

  
  



	2. 2

**Chapter 2:**

The next few days were a whirlwind between precinct, court, and home. Olivia had no idea how Barba did it everyday. They had been at either his office or the precinct every night together with and without the rest of the team working on a case and he was still hyper and active the next day. 

To make matters worse she also had a cranky toddler at home that had started his needy phase and would only go to bed if Olivia was holding him. She was utterly exhausted and needed a break.

She sat through the final day of the case and everything was making her grumpy and aggravated. The bailiff walked funny? Evil glare given. The defense team made a ridiculous statement? Eye roll. The judge hit the gavel? Hit him with it. Barba shouted objection for the 100th time in an hour? Shoot him in his knee. 

She was more than ready for it all to be over and for her to be done for the day. When the verdict came back as guilty she didn’t know if she was happy for the families who lost love ones or if she was happy because she could finally relax a little over the upcoming weekend. 

“Hey Olivia do you want to grab a drink? I know I could use one after the last few weeks.” Rollins asked her as they walked out of court. 

“Not today Amanda. I need a break and I think I’m going to go home.” She stated. She was annoyed at Amanda but she really didn’t know why. 

“Come on Benson. I know you’re angry at the world but I, and I’m sure you, need some girl time.” Amanda said back softly. 

She cared for Olivia and did feel that she was a good friend and mentor. Olivia looked back at her and she knew Amanda was right. 

“Okay. I’ll go - but I can’t do anything until Noah is asleep. That also means that my babysitter has to still be willing to watch him. I’m sure Lucy is ready to be alone after this last week or two.” 

“Awesome! I completely understand about Noah. Want me to meet you at Chucks at 8:30?” Amanda asked and Olivia nodded back as she walked off. She hoped Lucy wouldn’t mind keeping Noah a bit longer tonight and she knew she needed to give her a bonus after dealing with the crazy nights lately. 

Olivia and Amanda met later that evening. Thankfully Lucy was able to stay a bit longer. Although she believed the all access to pass to Netflix and Hulu and the new season is House of Cards was probably what won Lucy over tonight. By the end of the night Olivia and Amanda were both more relaxed and were swapping stories. 

“So wait.. you’re telling me he just left? No word? No call?” Amanda asked as she took another sip of her beer. 

“Nope. Nothing. I walked in and he wasn’t there. End of the story.” Olivia stated. She hadn’t thought about Elliot Stabler in years until Amanda asked what happened to him. 

“Well his loss!” Amanda stated and clinked her beer with Olivia’s. 

As the night progressed they both opened up more and eventually the conversation went to their lack of appropriate and equally badass men. After Amanda and her talked about the men of Atlanta Amanda turned the conversation back to Olivia. 

“Come on Benson I just told you about my rendezvous in Atlanta. Spill.” 

“I don’t know what to tell you Rollins. There’s only been one coworker I’ve crossed the line with and I wouldn’t even call it a rendezvous. More like a bad hangover that wouldn’t go away.” Olivia stated thinking back to her time with Cassidy. 

“So you’re telling me nobody else, SVU or not, has caught your eye?” Amanda said with a grin and knowing eyes. 

“I have Noah. That’s enough men for me.” Olivia said and Amanda didn’t miss the sadness in her eyes or voice. 

“You just haven’t found the right one yet Liv. You need someone to show you what love is. He’ll show up and when he does I’m sure you’ll kick his ass back to where he came from!” Amanda stated and they both laughed. 

In the back of Olivia’s mind she wondered if Amanda and Barba had talked because their talks were oddly similar. As the evening wore on they both decided it was time to head home and get some much needed rest. 

“I mean it Olivia. He hasn't shown yet. Just give it time.” Amanda stated as she hugged Olivia before getting in the cab. 

“That’s what I’ve been told” Olivia stated to no one it herself as she watched Amanda’s cab drive off. 

As she walked in her door she was not surprised to see Noah awake and crying. She took him from Lucy and relieved her. 

“Lucy take the weekend off. You deserve it.” She said as she walked Lucy out. 

“Thank you Ms. Benson.” Lucy stated as she shut the door. 

She rocked Noah to sleep in his room and thought about where her life was now compared to 10 years prior. She had survived events no normal human would have tried to. She had an amazing little boy that even on his worse days she loved to no end. As she put Noah back in his crib she head her phone go off with a text. 

“Thanks for tonight. Remember he’s out there. Just don’t kill him when he tries.” Olivia chuckled at Amanda’s text. 

“Thank you. I don’t need love. I just need my friends and family.” She sent back and walked into her room for the night. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

He strolled into the precinct on a mission. The team had spent the better part of the week working a case and even though they had someone who confessed he also offered more information about a bigger operation. After discussing it with DA he was prepared to make a deal on the basis the information given would end with an arrest. 

“His lawyer show yet?” Barba asked as he approached the team. 

“He got here about 10 minutes ago and I doubt he wants to be here any longer.” Sonny stated referring to the court appointed lawyer for their perp. 

“Counselor I doubt he will even ask you anything or say much. From what I can tell he’s a new guy and the last place he wanted to be today was with a serial rapist.” Fin stated as they walked to the observation room. 

Barba could see the discomfort in the young lawyers face as he met with him and his client. After a brief discussion a deal was made. 

As he walked into the bullpen grinning he caught Olivia’s eye. “What’s with that look counselor?” She asked smiling. 

“I enjoy getting what I want with relative ease Lieutenant. And that was easy.” He replied with a smug look on his face. He watched as Olivia rolled her eyes and laughed at him. 

“Well let’s see if those leads play out before you start your victory dance.” She said with humor in her voice. 

“If they don’t he loses his deal and it becomes a trial. I doubt that he wants that. Especially with his counsel and the fact he already knows what will happen to him.” Barba stated as he grabbed his things. 

“What makes you so sure? We’ve seen this before and they don’t always work out 100% of the time Barb.” Olivia asked. 

“I just know. Trust me.” He said to with a bit of cockiness in his voice she didn’t miss. 

As they both went to take their leave she turned to walk back to her office and he stopped for a minute and watched her walk away. He hadn't noticed her confidence and spunk before now. Sure he knew she was confident and he knew she could hold her own but tonight, as she walked away, he saw just how beautiful that confidence was. The way she carried herself and the way she only had to look at her team to get her point across. He let his eyes linger a moment longer at her as he watched her through the window before turning to leave with a small smile on his face. 

As he reached the elevator Rollins had joined him. “Man I’m beat! Any plans for the evening Barba?” She asked quizzically. 

“Well detective I have a 20 year bottle of scotch and the first edition of a old but new to me book.” He stated as he took a glance back at the bullpen trying to get a last look before entering the elevator. This did not go unnoticed by Amanda who smiled at the gesture. 

“You know.. you really should do more with people Barba. I keep telling everyone we need to do a family dinner You should join us! ” She said to him as they both took the elevator down to the main floor. 

“I’m fine.” He stated back a little annoyed with her statement. 

“Just think about it. Plus I have a feeling you know I’m right.” Amanda stated as they stepped off the elevator. 

As Barba walked to his car he was annoyed at the conversation with Rollins. He spent time with the others but liked the solace and quiet of being alone as well. He liked things in order and liked control and others messed that up. 

As he drove home he thought more about Rollins statement. Since their conversation he couldn’t help but think about the possibility of doing more outside of work with the team. With Olivia. He shook his head at the thought and kept driving. 

He didn’t know how to do the whole “friends who hang out” thing let alone the one where his friend had a child. That was new territory for him. 

As a kid he was always with his two best friends but when he went to college he spent his time with his books and showing his father up. Sure he hung out with others but it was usually for a poker night or for a class. 

As an adult he tended to follow a certain crowd and he was great at socializing at the different events he went to but that was different. He could walk in a room and own it without any effort but how does he just “hang out?” 

“I need a drink” he said to himself as he pulled into Forlini’s.

As he sipped his scotch he had a nagging feeling to talk to Olivia and before he knew if he had texted her asking if she wanted to join him for a drink.  _ “Sure. Where?”  _ She texted back a moment later. He typed the address and smiled as he sent it. 

“Rafael you’ve been coming here since we opened and I have never seen you smile like that unless you won a case and since it’s past 5 I’m going to assume that’s not why. Who is she?” Alfred, the bartender, stated to him laughing. 

“Alfred it’s just a friend from work.” He stated as he took another sip of his scotch with a smirk still on his face. 

“Well if she’s got you smiling like that you should have her come here more often.” He stated as Barba gave him a pointed look. 

Olivia walked in a short time later and joined him at the bar. “This is a nice place Barba.” She stated as she took a seat beside him. 

“Thank you for the invite” she stated as Alfred walked up to them both. 

“You must be the young lady this fellow has been waiting for. What can I get for you?” Alfred asked her. 

“Wine please.” She answered as she looked back at Barba and smiled. 

“What’s with the random invite counselor? Please don’t tell me we have issues with the confession or the deal.” She stated a little anxiously. As she talked he couldn’t help but think how beautiful she was when she gets anxious and her brow ruffles. 

“Well?” She asked nervously as he was snapped back to reality. “So far so good.” He replied as Alfred came back with a glass of wine for her. 

He watched her as she took the first sip and closed her eyes as she savored it. As she did he glanced at Alfred who nodded and smiled at him. 

“This wine is amazing! What kind is it?” She asked Alfred. 

“It’s a house secret. Alice makes it.” Alfred replied. “Who’s Alice?” She asked as she glanced at Barba who was smiling at her. 

“My wife. We’ve been married almost 40 years now. She keeps me from trouble. Unlike this fellow here who seems to always attract it.” Alfred said pointing to Barba. They all laughed and Olivia agreed with him as Barba judgey eyed Alfred. 

They spent the next hour or so talking and relaxing. Barba was surprised just how easy it was to talk to Olivia. He knew they were friends and had spoken regularly but it felt different tonight. 

“This is nice.” He stated. 

“It is. Thank you again for inviting me Barb.” She said as she smiled at him. They spent the next few minutes in silence before he spoke up. 

“What are you doing this weekend?” He asked as he finished his scotch. 

“Probably spending time with Noah. Lucy gets the weekends off unless we have a case.” She replied with a look of questioning in her eyes. 

“Why don’t we hang out? Do something?” He asked nervously. He had no idea why he was nervous. He was never nervous and had never had issues with talking to Olivia before. 

“You want to hang out?” She asked with a slight laugh to her voice. “Like with me and Noah?” She quickly said. 

“Yes. Why not? We are friends and I don’t think I’ve ever seen Noah outside of the brief suits at the precinct.” He replied back and she smiled at him. They agreed to meet at a local park the following day. 

As they went to leave and he turned to walk Olivia out he caught Alfred’s eye and nodded at thr older man. Alfred waved back and smiled at him. 

As they said their goodbyes he was reminded to not wear expensive suits to the park as Olivia laughed at him as she got into her cab. He waved goodbye as the car drove off and felt more alone than he ever had as he walked to his car and headed home. 

  
  



	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4:**

When Olivia arrived with Noah she didn’t see Barba anywhere. As she strolled to the toddler swings and sand pit she couldn’t help but think how crazy the last few weeks had been between her and Barba. Sure they had been friends for a while but something had changed recently. She found herself thinking of him more and more and not just when she needed him at the precinct for a case. 

“ _ We are at the toddler area. Are you still joining us?”  _ She sent him as she unloaded Noah from the stroller. 

He was excited to get out and laughed as she blew a raspberry on his tummy as she did. “Pip?” Noah asked pointing to his stuffed penguin. 

“Pip needs a nap buddy. He can swing with you later.” She told him and that seemed to appease the toddler for now. In reality she did not want the battle later that evening when Pip would need a bath. As she put Noah down to play in the sand pit her phone went off with a text from Barba. 

“ _ Si. Give me 5 _ .” She smiled as she read his message. 

She loved that he would intertwine Spanish in conversations even if it would annoy her when he did it at work. He would often start speaking Spanish without realizing it when he was upset or angry and on more than one occasion she would have to steer him back to English. 

As she waited for Barba to show she watched Noah play with another toddler and her father in the sand while the mother was at the swings with a little boy a few years older than the two toddlers. She smiled at the thought of that being her in a few years. 

“But I with who? Barba? Some other guy? Not many will start a relationship with a kid already being in the picture. Let alone fall in love with one that’s not theirs.” She thought to herself. 

She watched Noah and smiled as she thought a out the last time she actually fell for someone. She knew she cared for Brian but she did not classify that as “Love” in her mind. 

“The last one I actually fell for what married with kids. I’m doomed.” She sighed to herself as she felt a hand on her back. 

“Hey sorry I'm late. Hope you don’t mind that I stopped and got us coffee and Noah a juice. I didn’t know if what he liked so I grabbed 3 just in case.” Barba said as he handed her the coffee. 

“Thank you. But you didn’t have to do that. He will pretty much take anything. Ohhh Pumpkin. You remembered.” She stated as she took the first sip. 

“I’m more than just a whitty and awesome lawyer Olivia.” He said back with a smirk. 

When she smiled back she realized she had not actually looked at him since he arrived and she was shocked to see him not wearing a suit. 

“Are those chucks?” Olivia stammered as she laughed. 

“Yea.. they are my favorite. You told me to not wear my “fancy suits” so I just threw something on.” He said as he looked down at his black converses, worn jeans, and long sleeve cotton shirt. 

“You look.. you look good Rafael. Much more relaxed than I’ve ever seen you.” She said back and they both smiled at each other as she took in his appearance. 

She knew he made his tailored suits look good but seeing him in jeans and a beanie along with his scruff from not shaving that morning made her flush. 

“Uh Olivia.. is he supposed to eat that?” He asked her as she looked back at Noah. He had started to put his pudgy sand covered fingers in his mouth. 

“That would be a no.” She stated as she went to get Noah out of the sand to take him to the swigs. 

As she strapped him in he wailed “Ppppiiipppppp!” She had forgotten she told him Pip could join him at the swings. 

“Raf.. can you hand me Pip.” She stated pointing to the stuffed penguin in the stroller. 

“I guess he likes this thing huh?” He asked. 

She just laughed at him and handed the stuffed toy to the crying toddler whose tears were immediately stopped the moment Pip was in his arms. They stayed at the park for a bit longer until Noah became even more upset and started to whine. 

“I guess it’s time to head back home and eat some supper and take a bath. What do you think Noah?” Olivia said to Noah as she picked him up. 

Noah eyed Barba as she held him and reached for him instead of Olivia after a few minutes. Olivia knew this was something big and she knew Noah rarely went to anyone other than her and Lucy. 

As he reached further and started to lean out of her arms Barba looked at her questioning and she nodded back as he reached out for Noah. After some instructions and coaching from Olivia Noah was settled in Barba’s arms and with his head in the crook of Barba’s neck. 

“Duerme mi amigo” Barba stated as they started to walk back to Olivia’s apartment. 

“Thank you for coming today” Olivia stated as they walked back. Her pushing the stroller with Pip and he carrying a sleeping Noah. 

“It was my pleasure. Thank you for inviting me.” He said back. 

“In all honesty I didn’t think you would want to spend your Saturday afternoon with a toddler at the park. Let alone carry him back to my apartment. I can take him if you want me to.” She quickly stated as she started to worry he was uncomfortable carrying Noah. 

“It’s not a problem Liv. He’s a pretty cool pequeñin actually.” He said as he looked at her. 

“And I wouldn’t want to spend my Saturday doing anything else than hang out with you two.” He quickly stayed before she said anything else. She smiled at him as she led him into her apartment. 

“He is out cold and I doubt he will cooperate for any bath right now. Can you lay him in his crib for me?” She asked him as she started to unpack the stroller. 

“Sure. Do I need to take Pip with me too?” He asked as he grabbed the stuffed toy from the counter. 

“Oh yes! If not he will be screaming in an hour for the thing. I was tempted to send it back to you with Noah attached a few times when it went “missing” or when it needed a bath.” She said as he chucked and took Noah to his room to lay him down. 

“Buenas noches amigo.” Barba stated as he laid Noah down and left the room. 

As he walked into the living room Olivia was pulling out take out menus and pouring two glasses of wine. 

“I figured we could order take out” she stated as she handed him his glass. “That is if you want to stay for dinner.” She quickly remarked as she blushed a little. He took the glass and smiled. 

“Sounds good to me. What would you like? My treat.” He asked her. 

“No you pick. You’ve spent the entire day with me and my toddler. The least I can do is get your dinner.” She said back as he gave her a glare that meant he wasn’t taking no for an answer. “Orr we can have Thai with extra noodles.” She said as she smiled at him while he dialed the number. 

“It’s a date.” He said with a smirk and she just smiled back sipping her wine. 

  
  



	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5:**

“You just took the last of the noodles!” Olivia squealed as she tried to grab the bunch out of his chopsticks. He laughed as he stood and held them above her head. 

“Well lieutenant it looks like I won yet again” he stated as he slipped the last of the noodles in his mouth and smiled. 

She rolled her eyes and laughed at him as they finished their dinner. He watched her as they started to clean up the living room from their take out and Noah’s toys. 

“I’m sorry it’s such a mess in here Raf. I meant to clean up before we went to the park.” She stated as she went to grab the take out containers. 

“Olivia it doesn’t bother me.. Liv stop..” He stated as she looked at him. 

In that moment he knew he was doomed. He had never seen her as beautiful as he had in that moment. Her hair was in waves around her face and she was in an old T-shirt and jeans. Her shoes were long gone and were discarded where she had been sitting. 

“What’s wrong Raf? Do I have something in my hair? Don’t tell me you dropped the damned noodles in my hair when you were being funny!” She stated as she went to put her hands in her hair. 

“No. It’s not that. It’s … here you sit. I’ll clean up from dinner.” He stated as he stood. 

“I have it Raf. You bought dinner and spent the day with us. I can pick up a few take out boxes and toys.” She stated and he just looked at her while handing a refilled wine glass to her. 

He loved when she rambled. It made him smiling and often he would have a grin without even realizing it when she would talk. 

“I’ve got it hermosa.” He stated without even realizing and quickly grabbed the containers as she sunk into to the couch with her wine glass and a smile. 

In the kitchen he discarded the containers and cleaned their dishes. He knew he was stalling but he didn’t know why. 

“Hermosa?! Really?! Oh all the things to say you let that slip?” He thought to himself as he finished the last dish. 

He knew he didn’t regret saying it and even admitted to himself that he was glad he did. However, he also knew they were now in a different playing field than they were the day prior. 

“Maybe I should .. maybe she would let me?” He thought to himself as he walked back in the living room his wine glass in hand. 

“Took you long enough.” She stated with a grin and a sparkle in her eye. 

“Did you wash the dishes too?” She asked him and he just eyed her as he took a long swig of his wine. He usually drank scotch but he doubted Olivia kept that in her apartment. 

“Maybe I should bring some over next time” He thought to himself as he watched her stretch out on the couch while he sat back in his chair. 

“Barba?” She asked as she looked at him with a quietness in her voice. 

“Lieutenant?” He replied as he looked at her. 

For the second time that night he was at a loss for words looking at her. He watched as she pulled herself up and rested against her arm on the sofa. He knew deep down this is where he needed to be. Tonight. Tomorrow. Forever. He just knew she wouldn’t be the one to allow it easily. He smiled at the thought and looked at her. When he did he saw her looking at him. 

“What are we doing here Barb?” She asked him. 

“Well at this moment I’m drinking wine with a wonderful and beautiful woman with the hopes she lets me take her to dinner tomorrow night.” He stated bluntly and with a tone that he knew she could tell he wasn’t joking. He watched as she choked slightly on her sip and laughed as she yawned at him. 

“I think the wine has gone to your head councillor. Maybe we should stick to the scotch.” She replied as she stood up to refill her glass in the kitchen. He followed her to the kitchen and took the glass from her. 

“I’m not drunk Liv. I meant what I said.” He stated as he looked at her. “I’ve never said things I didn't mean and I’m sure as hell not going to start now.” He stated in his ADA voice. 

“Why would you want to go to dinner with me? Why do you want to spend time with me Rafael?” She asked. He could hear her self consciousness in her voice. 

“Because I want to know Olivia. I already know Lieutenant Benson and Detective Benson. Now I want to know Olivia. I want to know you as a mother, as a friend, and as a woman.” He stated and stepped closer to her. 

He knew what he was about to do might get him shot but he didn’t care. He stepped forward and brushed his lips against hers in a soft kiss. He knew she was a woman. That was obvious. But he was taken aback to realize just how much of a woman she was when she kissed him back. 

It wasn't a rushed kiss nor was it a heavy kiss. It was a soft and sensual kiss and he never wanted it to end but he was not going to let his body ruin things. He wanted to move slow. He wanted to sway her and court her in a way that would show her just how much he cared. As he pulled back he realized his hands were in her waist while hers were on his biceps and chest. 

“Wow. That was.. “ she started to say as she let out a nervous chuckle. 

“Yea. I know.” 

“It's not just me I have to think of Raf. I have Noah. We are a package deal.” She stated as she looked up at him. 

“I know. I’m not going anywhere Liv.” He said as he kissed her forehead. She leaned her head against his chest as her arms went around him. 

“You know I’m not going to make this easy. I may screw it up” she said nervously in his chest. 

“I know. I wouldn’t expect anything else from you Olivia.” He said as he continued to hold her. 

“Just let me show you how great you are. Let me care. Give me a chance Olivia. We don't need to have all the answers right now. Just let me try.” He begged as he pulled back slightly to see her. 

“Okay” she said with a smile as she leaned in for another kiss. 

  
  



	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6:**

Barba stayed for a hour or so after their kiss. They talked about whatever was on their minds and she allowed him to pick at her outer walls. She was not comfortable with letting them completely down yet and he understood. She knew that deep down he was the same way. 

She knew they were friends and that they had talked about a lot of things and had relied on each other but this felt different. She felt that she was able to see some light in his dark eyes but as soon as she started to see him lighten up the walls were back just like hers. 

When it was time for him to return home she was saddened but did not want to rush things one bit. He gave her one last kiss before he pulled away for the night. 

“Buena noche Hermosa.” He stated at he brought her into his arms for one last hug before turning to leave. 

“Good night Raf.” She replied as she shut the door behind him with a smile on her face. 

She was glad he did not push her and she felt relieved that she did not have to put on a front with him. He had seen her at some of her worst times while also seeing her at some of her best. She was thankful they had a very strong foundation as friends before their kiss and letting their feelings be known to each other. 

She spent the following day spending time with Noah and watching Trolls on Netflix due to the rainy weather. She was glad to have a day of relaxation before returning to work Monday. 

Noah on the other hand thought they should be playing in the rain and spent the better part of the morning knocking toys over, dumping out his toy bin, dragging books everywhere, and pulling clothes out of his and her dressers. By the time lunch time rolled around she was exhausted from running after him. 

“Noah do you want to sit down and eat?” She asked as the toddler ran into her on the couch giggling. 

“Nooooo” he stated back as he ran off to his room dragging Pip behind him. 

She just shook her head and laughed as she went to check to see what he was doing. As she peeked in his room she saw him pulling more books off his shelf and trying to stack them in the floor until he could sit on them while holding another book. She smiled and teared up as she saw him “read” to Pip. 

“Well at least he is content for now and I can try to pick up after his hurricane earlier” she thought to herself as she walked back into the living room. 

As she laid Noah down for his nap after a very eventful and dramatic tantrum she was ready for a few minutes of peace and quiet. As she finished cleaning she heard her phone ding. She picked it up as she sat back on the couch and smiled. 

“ _ Hey _ .” She read and smiled at the message. 

“ _ How is your Sunday going _ ?” He sent before she could respond. 

She responded as she pulled a blanket up to cover her legs and turn on Grey's Anatomy. 

_ “Before or after hurricane Noah? _ ” She replied as she laughed and snapped a selfie of her curled up on the couch and sent it to him. 

“ _ That is some hurricane. Where is Noah? _ ” He quickly replied. 

_ “Napping. Finally _ .” She responded.

“I should not be smiling this much” she thought to herself as she waited anxiously for his response. 

“ _ Up for company _ ?” He asked her and before she could reply he sent another text. “ _ I have coffee. _ ” 

“ _ Only if you want to. I don’t want to intrude on your Sunday Raf. _ ” She sent back and before she could look at the TV there was a knock on the door. She got up smiling already knowing who would be on the other side. 

“That was some quick walking Counselor.” She stated to him as she let Barba in the apartment. 

“I have my ways.” He replied as he handed her a coffee and kissed her cheek. 

“I was actually heading to help Alfred out with a few things and wanted to swing by and see you for a minute before I had to be there.” He stated as he looked at her with a grin. 

She smiled up at him as she sat on the barstool. “Thank you for the coffee Raf. You did not have to.” She said as she sipped her coffee and he just smiled. 

“I know.” He said as he smiled at her. 

“I don’t have to do a lot of things. I chose to do them anyway. I told you Liv. I just want to show you how great you are and if swinging by with your favorite coffee puts a smile on your face then that’s what I will do.” He stated as they both leaned in for a kiss and he went to leave.

The following morning she rode the elevator to her floor and sent Barba a text. “ _ Good morning. Lunch? My treat. But no noodles you thief. _ ” 

He replied quickly saying “ _ Buenos Dias Hermosa. Yes to lunch. No to you paying. I have court and will call you. _ ” She smiled as she read his messages. 

As she was walking off the elevator she was stopped by Fin. “Hey Liv. What are you doing today? Want to grab a bite with me?” He asked and she had red flags going off in her head. 

“Fin what are you talking about? It’s 7am. I have to get a few reports together for 1PP.” She stated as he went to stop her from entering the bullpen. 

“Fin what are you doing? We have work to do. What has gotten into you?” She said to him. She was getting annoyed and did not know what he was doing. 

“Boss it's just that -“ He started to say before being cut off. 

“Hello Liv.” She heard from an all too familiar voice. 

As she stopped and turned she felt like she was going to throw up when she looked at the familiar voice who was now standing in front of her holding a badge and leaning against a desk. 

“Hello Elliot.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7:**

As Barba walked into his last session court he messaged Olivia to let her know and asked where she wanted to meet for lunch the following hour before muting his phone. He was smiling as session started but quickly went into his ADA mode. He did not need anyone thinking the el tiburon had lost his touch in the courtroom. 

As closing arguments finished and the defense did their best to sway the jury in their favor he just rolled his eyes and checked his phone before his facial expressions got him in trouble with the court. 

“That's’ wired. Usually she responds or lets me know there is a case.” He thought to himself as the courtroom started to clear out. 

He decided to head to the precinct to see what case had come in while he was in court and was nervous about walking in to her work place since their weekend kiss. 

He did not want to give anything away as she had requested to wait to tell anyone until they were more comfortable and ready to do so together. He was happy she did not want to disclose right away because he did not want the politics or antics of their respective careers to interfere with their new relationship. 

As he walked through the elevator he could feel the tension on the floor hit him like a brick wall. He hoped this case would not be a ringer as the last few had been for him and the team. 

He spotted Fin from the door and saw Fin practically run to him before he entered. He had never been as close with Fin as the rest of the team but with the way he was acting he hoped nothing had happened to Olivia. 

“Hey Counselor. Umm. What brings you to the 1-6?” He stated as he moved to walk Barba out of the office. 

“Well since I am the ADA over SVU I am able to come and go as I please Detective.” Barba stated a tad bit more annoyed than he wished to admit. 

“What is going on? Olivia and the team okay?” Barba asked and that is when he heard someone else approach and he saw Fin grimace. 

“You must be the new ADA. I am Elliot Stabler.” Elliot stated with an outstretched hand and Barba took it. More out of professionalism than anything else. 

“Where is Olivia?” Barba asked Fin not particularly wanting to get too comfortable in a conversation with Stabler. He had heard the rumors and he knew Olivia and Stabler had history even if they never actually crossed the line. 

“She’s in her office. Won’t let anyone go in and is having me run ship.” Fin muttered low enough for Barba to hear. Barba and Fin’s eyes met knowingly and he excused himself as he started to walk to Olivia’s office. 

“Good luck!” He heard Stabler state from behind him and he turned to ask why. “She is not in a good mood this morning and I don’t think she is wanting to deal with anyone at the moment. Maybe you should try later?” 

“No.” Barba stated without any hesitation and gave Stabler his grumpy judgy eye look. “Fin can you let me know where we stand on the new case in minute. I am going to check on her.” Barba stated and he and Fin each nodded. 

If Barba was not the man he was he may have let his temper get the best of him but he knew that is not what Olivia needed at that moment. 

“Who does that guy think he is? Coming in here after all that time thinking he knows who Liv is.. I just can’t today.” He thought as he walked through the room. 

He could tell all eyes were on his and Carisi stopped him before getting to his destination. 

“Hey umm.. she isn’t taking anyone today. Even threw Fin out earlier after Stabler showed up.” Carisi stated to him. 

“What was said?” He asked the kid. 

“I’m not even sure. They just looked at each other for a bit and she made a comment about their past and then when he let her know he was back to the 1-6th and that 1PP had approved it.” Carisi informed him as Barba thanked him. 

“Well this is just getting worse” Barba thought to himself as he knocked on the door.

“Who is it?!” He heard her yell and he could tell this was going to be difficult. 

“It’s Raf.” He stated as he heard her shuffle and opened the door. 

“Can I enter or will you throw me out too?” He asked with a slight smile. She moved away and let him enter the office. 

“What is going on?” He asked her as she sat at her desk and looked at him over the stacks of paperwork she was needing to do. 

“I don’t even know.” She said as she sat back. 

“Want to talk about it now or later?” He asked knowing she did but wanted her to do so at her own pace. 

“Later. Please.” She looked at him and smiled. 

“My place? Noah can come too. I can make you dinner and we can just relax tonight.” He said to her as she nodded to him. 

“Can you get some of Alfred’s wine for me?” She asked with a sparkle in her eye. 

“Of course.” He stated as he gave her a kiss on the top of her head. He knew he shouldn’t have done so but the blinds were closed and as much as he wanted to pull her into his arms he didn’t. 

“Raf.. you know those blinds are worthless. Now people will be talking.” She said with a tone that made him know she really wasn’t upset about it. 

“And?” He said with a smirk that let her in on his plan. 

“He’s not a threat Rafael. You don’t need to worry about that.” She said as she looked at him annoyed that he was going to play his games with Stabler. 

“Oh I know. But I am just going to make sure my case is won anyway.” He said and she chuckled and shook her head. 

“Why don’t we get out there and get this case going. They need you Liv. Plus.. can’t you put him on the worst assignments now? You are the Lieutenant.” He stated with a mischievous look in his eyes. 

“Ha! Let’s get to work counselor.” She stated as they stepped into the bull pin. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8:**

Elliot watched as Barba walked away from him and Fin toward the door to Olivia’s office. 

“Who does this guy think he is?” He said to himself not realizing he actually vocalized it until Fin looked at him. 

“That Stabler would be your worst nightmare.” Fin stated bluntly as he looked at his old friend. 

Elliot watched at Barba and one of the new kids, Caprisi he thought the guys name was, had a few words before he knocked on the door and entered. 

Elliot knew him returning out of the blue would not go over well and he had wanted 1PP to at least inform Cragen of what was going on but they wouldn’t and instead informed him Cragen had retired and Olivia was now the Lieutenant. 

Elliot about died laughing when he heard the news but no one else at that meeting laughed along with him. After more briefs and updates on the rest of the changes: Much retiring, Fin being a Sergeant, and the few headlined cases that still had 1PP monitoring the 1-6. 

He had walked out of the meeting feeling like his world had stopped while everyone else still went about their lives. 

“What do we even know about that guy Fin? His suits cost more than our salaries.” Elliot stated a bit more annoyed, more at himself than anyone else. 

Fin looked back at him with a glare and moved closer to him and Elliot felt a little uneasy as he got closer. Much more closer than he wished. 

“Stabler that man has done more for this unit, for Liv, for all of us than you have done the last what 7 or so years?” Fin gritted though his teeth as he backed off Elliot and went to sit down. 

“Well trust me it wasn’t by choice.” Elliot stated as he sat at the empty desk he had claimed that morning.

As he watched the window to Olivia’s office he could barely make out the silhouettes on the other side as he remembered the conversation he had the week prior with his old boss. 

After he heard that he had retired Elliot pulled a string and was able to find where he was living at now. He wasn’t surprised to hear his old Captain had left the big city for the quietness of the Vermont mountains. 

_ “Elliot. What are you doing here?” Cragen asked when he had opened the door that afternoon.  _

_ “I needed to talk and I looked you up.” Elliot answered as Cragen eyed him before letting him into his home.  _

_ “I’ll let Eileen know you are here. She was worried when a random car pulled into the driveway.” Cragen stated at he went into the other room, leaving Elliot in his study alone.  _

Elliot remembered taking those 5 minutes to look at the pictures on the shelves. 

_ There were some of the old squad and Elliot smiled at them as he continued to look.  _

_ His eyes wandered over several from their efforts on 9-11 and somberly remembered working those long days trying to help everyone and everywhere he could.  _

_ As he continued to look around he saw that Cragen had arranged them by the years as the further he looked the more recent the pictures became.  _

_ The last few pictures he came across were of a tiny little boy with bright eyes with and without Olivia in them. He never heard of Olivia having children when he would get updates on the team once in a while. As he looked at the last picture he saw just how in love Olivia was with the little boy. It was a black and white picture of the two of them looking at the camera with wide smiles.  _

_ “That’s Noah. He’s 18 months.” Cragen stated without giving too much of Noah’s past away.  _

_ Elliot felt like someone had stabbed him when he heard Cragen’s words. He was happy that Olivia was finally able to be a mother and he knew she would be amazing at it but it did not let the pain go away.  _

_ Cragen and Elliot sat in the study talking for what felt like forever but it had only been 3 or so hours.  _

_ “Elliot why didn’t you tell anyone? You could have told me at least.” Cragen asked him as he looked at rough fatherly eyes.  _

_ “I couldn’t Don. We had that case come and then next thing I knew I was being shipped off with Kathy and the kids. I barely had time to get my head around what was happening.” Elliot stated as he leaned back in the chair.  _

_ “The only thing we were told was that a few of the last few cases had put not just me but also my family in danger and that the feds were running the show. A week later I was in Kansas going by Elliot Simpkins. A married, father of 5, who was in the cattle industry.” Elliot stated as he rubbed his face.  _

_ “Don, I wanted to tell you. Hell I wanted to throw something at those suits the moment they showed up at my house. Kathy and I had already separated and the divorce was in the works but then we get told everything is on stand still and we’ve got to be this happy family who loves each other?!” Elliot stated at he went to stand and paced the room while Don watched him.  _

_ “Cap I wanted to call Liv. God I missed her so much the entire time. I never crossed the line Cap…. I promise you that. But.. damn I just wanted to call her. Tell her what was going on and pray she wasn’t married or something.” Elliot stated as he sat back down.  _

_ “My kids resent me and Kathy is the same because she still feels her whole life and theirs was ruined because of my career. Thankfully Eli was a little guy when all this went down. He’s the only one who actually wants to be around me.”  _

“Why now Elliot? Why after all this time are you back here?” Elliot heard Fin state and it broke him out of the memory. 

“Because Fin.. Because I have unfinished business and I need Olivia to understand me.” Elliot stated as he heard Olivia's door open and she and Barba walk out smiling at each other. The pain in his gut hit when he saw them. 

“I just hope I’m not too late” He thought to himself as he got up to join the group at the picture boards. 

  
  



	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9:**

As Olivia finished up for the day she heard her phone go of on her desk. 

_ “30 minutes. My place. Dinner.” _ She read as she smiled at the screen. 

Barba had a way of knowing when she needed him and earlier that afternoon was just another example of why she cared for him so much. 

_ “I have to get Noah.” _ She replied as another message came through the phone. 

“ _ Already done.”  _ She read as a picture of her little boy arrived. She laughed at the photo on the screen. Noah was sitting on the kitchen floor with some of Barba’s pots and pans and two wooden spoons. 

As she put on her coat to leave she heard a knock at the door. 

“Fin I thought you had left with everyone else.” She said as she smiled at him. 

“Naw.. I wanted to make sure you were good before I did.” He stated as he watched her get her things together. She really cared for Fin and knew he was doing his big brother routine for her today. 

“I am good Fin.” She stated as he gave her a knowing look. 

“Look, Liv, it may not be my place but Barba is a good guy. I don’t know what is going on with Stabler and frankly I would love 5 minutes alone with the guy but Barba.. He’s a good one.” He said as she gave him a curt look. 

“I just wanted you to know. Plus you know if anyone tries anything I’ll kick their ass. Munch too!” He stated and they both laughed. 

“You called Munch already?” She asked. She knew the pair were close and often met for drinks or dinner to catch up. 

“Briefly. We are going to grab a beer tomorrow.” He replied as they both walked out of the office and saw that Elliot was still at his desk. 

“Elliot. Go home.” She said to him and knew it came out a bit more angrier than she meant to. 

“Liv. I just want to talk to you.. explain what is going on here.” He went to say before she held her hand up. 

“Don’t. There’s nothing to talk about tonight. You are back and now you work here again. That’s it.” She stated as she and Fin turned to leave. 

“Fin am I being too hard on him?” She asked as they stepped onto the street. 

“No. I do think he has a lot to explain but today is not the day. I got your back when you guys do talk.. just warn me so i can remove the valuables from the Precinct and make sure 1PP isn’t around” Fin stated as they parted ways. 

Olivia arrived at Barba’s apartment 20 minutes later and she could hear giggles and banging on pots when she knocked. 

“Thank God you are here..” Barba stated as he opened the door and she had to hold back a laugh when she saw him. He had his tie tucked into his dress shirt, his sleeves rolled up, and what appeared to be flour and small handprints on his shirt, suspenders, hair, and pants.

“Umm.. what happened here?” She asked as he let her walk past him into the kitchen. As she crossed into the kitchen she heard the shreak of her son. 

“Mama!!” He stated as he ran up to her. She laughed when she picked him up and sat him on the counter.

“What did you do Noah? Did you help Raf with cooking?” She asked as she started to wipe flour off his face and arms.

“Yep!” He stated as he tried to stop her from wiping his face. 

“Noah. We have to wash your face.” She stated to him and he stopped squirming long enough for her to finish. 

“Mama I pway dums!” He said as she put him back on the floor and ran to the pots and spoons. She smiled and laughed as he started to “play” again. 

“Liv, I don’t know how you do it. How do you cook, watch him, and stay clean?!” Barba stated. 

“Raf… you did not need to get him. I would have picked him up on my way.” She stated as she handed him the rag to wipe his face and hair. She laughed as he realized to extent of the mess and gave up with a grin. 

“Well.. i thought i would try to help and i know you were having a rough Monday already. Plus i did not think Noah would be this hard.” He stated as he poured himself a scotch.

“Raf.. he’s 18 months old. He’s in his toddler years and everything has to be about him or involve him.” She stated laughed as he grunted and grinned at the laughing boy on the floor. 

They ate dinner and Raf realized the extent of Noah’s messes when he eats. 

“I guess homemade pasta was not the best for him tonight?” He asked as he helped Olivia attempt to clean Noah up from the spaghetti sauce. 

“Actually it's his favorite food. It’s just really messy for him since he hasn’t yet mastered the use of a fork thoroughly. But he did eat more than I expected him to so that is a plus. He’s usually messier than this.” Olivia stated. 

“Well at least he likes my cooking.” Raf stated as they stood to clean up. 

Olivia just smiled at him comically as he held Noah away from him while she attempted to clean him up the best she could. 

“Counselor, are you afraid of a toddler with spaghetti sauce on him?” She asked playfully. 

“Liv.. I still have flour and dough stuck in places it shouldn’t be..” He stated as he eyed Noah. It was that moment Noah decided his new buddy Raf needed a spaghetti sauce handprint on his chest. Olivia laughed as Raf looked horrified. 

“Eso no es divertido amigo.” He said to Noah with a humored sparkle in his eye. 

“Well boys.. looks like both of you are going to need a bath.” She stated as she took Noah from Rafael and he started to cry and reach for Raf. 

“Raf I am going to clean him up in the spare bath if that’s okay. He should have a change of clothes in his bag.” She stated as she turned away to go to his diaper bag. 

“Umm.. Liv. I don’t mind taking him with me. I mean he is a boy.. umm.. If he can go into the shower It might be easier for both of you.” He stated to her. 

His words caught her of guard and she turned back to him. 

“Why would you want to do that? Have you bathed a baby before?” She asked 

“No but if you show me what soap to use it shouldn’t be too hard right? I mean Noah and I did make homemade pasta earlier so this shouldn’t be too hard..” he replied trailing off. “Plus it will allow you time to relax a bit.” He stated as he took a crying Noah into his arms not caring if the remaining sauce got on him. 

“Umm.. Okay. I guess I can clean up a bit and..” 

“Liv. No cleaning. Relax. We will be back in a minute then we can talk about Elliot and this morning.” He said as he turned away with a giggling little boy in on arm and the diaper bag in another. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10:**

Barba reappeared 40 minutes later with a pajama clad toddler in one arm and one of his spare blankets in another. 

“I figured you might want to put him down for the night so I went ahead and put him in his pajamas for you.” He stated as he handed Olivia a sleepy toddler. 

Noah went to her easily and she smiled up to him as she snuggled closer to Noah. 

“You didn’t have to do this you know.. I could have bathed him in the spare bathroom.” She said and he just smiled and stated 

“I know.” 

She smiled back as she started to rock Noah and pulled the blanket up around him as she did. She could feel his eyes on her from across the room and she knew they needed to talk about Elliot but right now she wanted to love her little boy and get him down for the night first. She knew Rafael understood this in the way he helped pull the blanket up on Noah and let her know she was more than welcome to use the spare room if needed before he left to clean up the kitchen. 

As she laid Noah on the bed she smiled at the thought of how Rafael had became attached to Noah. She knew he understood that in order to have any relationship with her he would need to win Noah over as well. She left the small lamp on in the room as she left just in case he did wake.

“Need any help?” She asked as she walked back into the kitchen. 

“Nope. I have it. You just relax.” He stated as he smiled at her while he finished the dishes.

She was impressed just how clean he was able to get the kitchen in such a short time and she knew it was partly due to her sweeping and cleaning up what she could from the pasta making while he was in the shower although she would never admit to such actions if questioned. 

“Do you want some wine?” He asked and she nodded and watched him pour her a glass and pull the scotch out for himself. 

“Raf.. I don’t even know where to begin..” She stated as he led her to the living room carrying both of their glasses and a bowl of snacks. 

“Well let's start with today. What happened?” He asked as he sat back on the couch with his body facing her. 

“I was having a great morning. I was excited for the week and was looking forward to our lunch date. But when I walked into the precinct and saw Fin practically barricading me from the room I knew something was up and that is when I saw him.” She said as she watched him closely. 

She wondered just how much she should tell and wondered just how deep this conversation would go and was anxious about it. She watched him smile at her as she continued. 

“You have to remember Raf.. it’s been 7 or so years since I saw him, since we spoke. We were partners for 12 years before that. Then seeing him like that I didn’t know what to say or even think.” She said to him as she took a sip of her wine. 

She replayed her and Elliots history and told him about their partnership. She explained how close they had become and the rumors that came with it. She let him hear how Elliot would get under her skin and make her blood boil one day then act like nothing happened the next. 

“What made you so mad?” He asked as he continued to watch her. 

“Honestly? I couldn’t tell you the one specific thing. I was mad he just showed up out of the blue and was working with us again without my knowledge. I was mad that he was so nonchalant about the whole thing. I was mad at 1PP for not even telling me. I was mad…” She started to say as she looked at him with worry in her eyes. 

“I was mad at myself.” She stated as she looked him in the eye. 

She figured he would say something but didn’t and she was glad. 

“I felt like i had been stabbed in the gut. It was like someone was tearing me open and all these old wounds were reopening.” She stated. 

“We were so close and for him to up and leave then come back like he did it really messed with me. I was so mad at myself for caring and letting him get to me, letting him get within me, in that initial 10 minutes.” She stated as the room became silent.

She watched as Barba sipped his scotch and she could see him replaying and thinking about what she said. 

“Did you love him?” He finally asked as he looked at her with a flash of emotion in his eyes. 

She was silent for a moment and after a deep breath she replied. 

“Yes.” She watched as he took another sip and his eyes grew dark. 

“Do you still love him?” He asked and her heart sank. 

She was silent. She did not know how to answer that question. She knew she was not “in love” with Elliot but she also knew he would always hold a piece of her. 

“Raf.. it’s complicated.” 

“No it’s not. It’s a yes or no answer.” He stated as he put his glass down. 

“Do. You. Still. Love. Him.?” He asked again and this time she could see the flash of anger, hurt, and something else in his eyes as he looked at her and peered into her soul in the process. 

“No. I am not in love with him. Will he always hold a piece of me? Yes. Do I want to be with him? No.” She stated as she looked at him and hoped he would see her emotions in her eyes like she could his. 

“Raf..” She stated. 

He did not look at her and instead went to the kitchen to pour another scotch. 

“Raf.. look at me.” She stated as she followed him into the other room. 

“Raf” She said as she touched his back with her hand. 

As he turned he had a sad look on his face that made her want to cry. 

“What is wrong?” She asked as she took the glass out of his hand and put it on the counter. 

“Talk to me.” She said. 

“I worry … I worry that I am wasting my time. That I have already lost you to him.” He stated not holding any emotions back as he did. She was dumbfounded and looked at him questionly. 

“Liv. This guy knows you. Knows more about you than I do. Hell he has stolen your heart once before. How do I know he won’t do it again?” He asked as he looked at her. His green eyes growing deeper by the second. She looked up to him and smiled. 

“Raf.. he does not  know me. He  knew me.” She said as she took his hand. 

“Today you did more for me than he did the entire 12 years I knew him. You not just cared about me and my wellbeing you cared about Noah. I trust you enough to be with my son and to be in his world. I don’t want him in this world. Yes he may end up there if he continues to work with me but that’s it. I trust you. Do you trust me?” She asked as she wrapped her arms around his back. She felt him release the breath he was holding and felt his arms wrap around her holding her back. 

“Yes. I do.” He said.

  
  



	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11:**

He didn’t know how long he had been sitting at his desk. All he knew is that every other detective in the 1-6 was out busting their asses on the street working a case and he was stuck pulling reports, making calls, and monitoring bank accounts. 

He was getting more frustrated by the minute and hated that he wasn’t trusted to do anything but sit in a chair all day. 

_ “She can’t seriously keep making me do grunt work just because she is pissed about me being back can she?” _ He thought to himself as he took another call with a sigh.

Forty-five minutes later and three more bank account statements he needed a break and needed to clear his head. As he stood up to head to the only spot he knew better than he knew himself he looked over at the conference table where the team had everything set up with all the information on the case. 

He took his files he accumulated and updated the sections he needed to on the board before realizing he was being watched. 

He knew it was her. 

He always knew when she was looking at him. He could feel it on the back of his neck. In his gut. In his heart. 

He wondered if she had the same when he would stare without realizing it or when he would steal a glance when he could. 

“What do you have Elliot?” She asked as she walked up to him reaching for the documents. 

“It looks like our favorite fiancé has accounts in different names and at different banks.” He stated as he handed the files over to her. 

“It also looks like she is making monthly withdrawals in case of just over $9,500 just under the threshold that is required to be reported to the IRS. Also.. I can’t be completely certain yet.. but it’s odd the exact same amount is deposited into the brother’s account the exact same day. I would bet money that if we brought him in we would be able to link everything together.” He stated as she rose an eyebrow and continued to look over the documents. 

They spent the better part of the next hour discussing the case further while also calling in the rest of everyone as needed. By the end of their conversation they had a few more leads and he felt more accomplished than he had in a long time. 

He felt like a detective again and not a secretary or a rookie anymore. He was starting to feel that they were getting back to their groove and were working better together. 

It had been about 2 weeks since his return and he knew it wouldn’t be easy to get her to understand what had happened or for them to talk like they used to but he wished they had come further than just talking about cases. 

“Do you want to grab a bite? I’m starved.” He asked as she looked at him. 

“There’s a diner down the block that is really good.. I just want to talk Liv. Just let me explain.” He quickly stated hoping to win her over. 

“Elliot.. Not right now.” She stated and walked back to her office. 

He spent the rest of the day working on more leads from the office and was getting more frustrated by the minute. 

By 7pm he was upset and not just at the situation. He was upset that the most him and Olivia had talked was when they were discussing the case earlier in the day and he needed her to understand what had happened and why he up and left so suddenly. 

He needed to get up and move around before he punched something. He headed to the roof hoping to catch a few peaceful moments before he was back to reality. 

As he made his way to the all too familiar self-therapy spot he noticed the door to the roof was propped open and he hoped it was a mistake and that he would be alone for at least a few minutes. 

As he stepped onto the roof and took in his surroundings he saw her. 

She was leaning on her elbows and was taking deep breaths while talking to herself. He couldn’t make out what she was saying and did not want to intrude so he went to the other side and kept his distance from her. 

As he looked out to the city he missed and loved he glanced over to Olivia and thought about the time that was stolen from him. 

He thought back to his talk with Cragen and the pictures on the shelves. 

His heart and gut felt like it was being stabbed as he remembered the pictures of Olivia and the little boy, Noah he believed he was named. 

He thought back over the last two weeks being back at the 1-6 and realized that Olivia never mentioned anything about being married or her personal life. 

He hung his head at the realization he was no longer her “go to” and that he was no longer part of her inner circle. 

“Elliot? What are you doing up here?” He heard as he looked up at her startled. 

“Sorry Liv. I didn’t mean to intrude. I just needed to clear my head a bit.” He stated as he turned to walk back to the stairs. 

“Why are you here Elliot? After all this time why are you back here?” He heard her say as he stopped suddenly and with his back still to her stated, “I never wanted to leave.” 

“Why did you?” She stated to him and he turned to her. 

“Liv.. I don’t want to fight with you and I don’t want to argue.” He stated and she crossed her arms in response. 

“Then I guess you better start talking Stabler. Unlike you I don’t have another 7 years to guess the answer.” She stated back to him and he felt the daggers from her eyes and body language as he winced at her words. 

“Liv. That last case. Do you remember it?” He asked her cautiously. 

“Of course I do Elliot! That is a case I will never get out of my head.” She said almost yelling at him.

“Well when I went home that night to help tuck the kids in bed and talk with Kathy about divorcing the feds showed up and that was the last time I saw my home and had my life for almost 7 years.” He stated back getting more frustrated as he thought back to the night his life took a turn. 

“Apparently those last few cases had me and my family on a hit list for some asshole who had connections.” He continued and she let him continue talking and continue to tell her everything he could. 

“Elliot we were partners for 12 years! If someone was after you they were more than likely after both of us! Did you ever think of that? No of course you didn’t.” She stated to him with anger and hurt in her eyes. He knew she was right and knew he couldn’t admit it to her. 

“All I know Liv was that they showed up, had us pack backpacks and only a few personal items, then loaded everyone in black SUV’s. The following week i was Elliot Simpkins living on a cattle farm with a wife who hated me and children who wouldn’t leave their rooms.” He stated through clenched teeth. 

“My whole life was in shambles and I wasn’t even able to let anyone know. I couldn’t call you to explain anything. Liv. I promise you this - it was never my intention to do that to you! I never wanted to leave you and I never wanted to hurt you!” He stated back practically yelling. 

“Yea.. well … it’s a little too late for that now isn’t it?” She asked through anger filled eyes. 

“Elliot do you realize I was in love with you? Do you realize you were my best friend? In a span of 24 hours I lost my partner to who knows what, my best friend disappeared, and I was in love with a ghost who was married with 5 kids!” She yelled back. “ 

”Liv I -“ 

“No Elliot. It’s too late for you to try to explain what could have been or any type of ‘What if’s’.” She stated as she started to walk away. 

“We have a briefing in 20 minutes with Barba and the rest of the team. I expect you to be prepared to discuss what you found.” She stated as she turned to walk away and towards the stairs. 

“Liv. I am sorry.” He stated and she stopped mid-step for a brief second. 

“So am I.”

  
  



	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12:**

“Okay amigo. Let’s go see what Mami is doing at work.” Barba stated as he picked the toddler up and grabbed his briefcase. 

“Although I am sure she will not be too happy with you being there.” He stated as he and Noah left his office and stopped to speak with Carmen. 

“Please have everything forwarded to my cell. I doubt I will be back today unless there is a major emergency.” He said to her as he signed papers she had waiting for him. 

“Will do. Also.. I know it may be out of place but..” She started. 

“What?” He snapped without meaning to. 

“It’s just I’ve never seen this side of you. It’s nice. Different. But nice.” She said as she smiled at him tickled Noah’s tummy. 

“Hmph.. Keep me updated on the status of the files i requested.” He stated as he walked out of the office completely. 

It had been a few weeks since him and Olivia decided to give it a try and this would be the first time he was out in public with Noah without her with them. Let alone be at his office for the better part of the late morning and early afternoon alone with Noah munching on goldfish in his chair watching Baby Einstein on Barba’s iPad while he worked on his court preparation for the following week. 

Lucy had been given his number a few days prior for emergencies and Olivia had let her know that if she could not be reached for Lucy to contact Barba. 

He felt a sense of pride as he remembered the conversation he and Olivia had about giving Lucy the information and he was honored to be a part of the inner circle and be able to be there for Noah and her. 

When Lucy had called him around 11 am trying to get a hold of Olivia he knew it had to be an emergency. 

After many reassurances of Noah being perfectly fine with no issues Barba was able to make out that Lucy had started to come down with the flu and was barely able to move since dropping Noah off at the daycare that morning. 

Barba gave her the day off and stated he would take care of Noah and for her to keep him and Liv updated. 

He felt bad for the young woman. He could clearly hear the sickness in her voice and immediately called and had soup and goodies delivered to her apartment before picking Noah up from daycare.

As he and Noah walked down the street towards the 1-6 they stopped at Liv’s favorite coffee shop to pick her up a surprise. 

“What do you think Noah? Think Mami will want coffee and a cookie?” Barba asked he showed Noah the selections. 

“Ookie!” Noah stated as he pointed to the brownies. 

“Do you want to take Mami a brownie Noah?” Barba asked and Noah nodded back. 

“Mami ikes bowies.” Noah stated and Barba smiled at him while they ordered their drinks and goodies. 

Thankfully the barista was able to hide the goodies and snacks in a bag for him so he could keep Noah from seeing them until they were settled with Olivia. 

As they waited for their drinks he and Noah sat on one of the couches talking about Noah’s friends at his daycare, his colors, and even action heroes. 

Barba was amazed just how much Noah could actually speak once he opened up to him more. He was more at ease with Noah now that they had become buddies and he believed the first spaghetti night together helped tremendously. 

As they left with his and Olivia’s coffees he was thankful the barista helped him with Noah while he shuffled his briefcase and the diaper bag and the coffees. In the end he was able to wedge his briefcase in the diaper bag and carry the two coffees in a drink holder and hold Noah’s hand in the other hand. 

“Lista para ir amigo?” He asked Noah as he took his hand and walked onto the sidewalk. 

When they arrived at the precinct Liv was in the middle of an interrogation with Amanda trying to work a lead. 

“Good afternoon Barba. What do we owe the pleasure?” He heard behind him as he sat his bag down on the conference table and got Noah settled in one of the chairs. 

“I am the ADA Stabler. I can pretty much come and go as I please.” He stated shortly already annoyed with him. 

He and Stabler locked eyes as both of them straightened up and faced each other. Barba’s green eyes focusing in on Stabler’s blue’s as they both fought for dominance in the office. 

“Do you need to help with the leads?” Barba asked and Elliot looked back at him. 

“Not at this time.” Elliot retorted. 

In the end it was Noah that brought Barba back to the present and was the first to break the eye contact. 

“Afi no more ‘stein” He stated as he tugged on Barba’s finger. 

“Eso no es bueno.” Barba stated as he turned on the next episode of Noah’s favorite show. 

It was then that Barba realized Stabler was still standing there with the two of them eyeing them both critically. When he looked back at him he swore he though Stabler had seen a ghost. 

“Well Detective we are all set here. I am going to wait to see Liv and debrief with her.” Barba stated as he moved to get his files out of his briefcase. 

“Of course. Is this your son?” Stabler asked as he looked at Noah once more before looking back at Barba.

Before Barba could say anything he heard Liv’s voice and so did Noah. 

“Mami!!!” He squealed as he scooted out of the chair and ran as fast as he could to the voice, running straight into her legs. 

“Well hello there Noah! What are you doing here? Where is Lucy?” She asked him as she picked him up while he went to fist bump Fin as he passed. 

“What’s up little guy!” Fin said as he returned the fist bump. 

“No ‘ucy. ‘Afi!” He squealed as the three of them turned the corner to see Barba and Stabler locked in a “who’s is bigger” staring contest. Each standing as tall as they could with their full presence being made known. 

“Well this is awkward” She heard Fin state. 

“Come on little dude let’s go call Uncle Munch.” Fin stated as he took Noah from her leaving her to deal with the two modern day barbarians in her precinct. 


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13:**

“Lucy thank you so much for agreeing to this! I completely forgot about this even until Amanda reminded me the other day!” Olivia stated as she was hurried around her apartment trying to get Noah and her things together quickly for Lucy. 

“It’s no big deal Liv! I actually had it on my calendar so even if you hadn’t remembered I would have reminded you anyway. Plus it’s not every day your boss and her unit are receiving an award from the Mayor.” Lucy stated proudly as she humorously watched Olivia run around her apartment. 

“Why don’t I help with Noah’s things while you go get ready? Have you even picked out a dress yet? Do you need help?” Lucy asked as she took Noah’s things out of Olivia’s arms.

She had to hold back a laugh at the sight of her usually “on-it” and on time boss. 

Olivia hadn’t yet done her hair or makeup and Lucy was pretty sure she had oatmeal from Noah’s breakfast earlier in the day stuck in her ear but she didn’t want to say anything about that.. yet. 

“Liv go grab a shower and start getting ready. I’ll stay with Noah and get his things picked up and make him dinner. I figured it would be easier to stay here with him anyway than try to go to my place for the night since this is where all his things are.” Lucy stated as she smiled at Olivia. 

“Thank you! I owe you big time Luce.” Olivia stated as she smiled back. 

“How about next Friday off?” Lucy asked with a smile and glisten in her eye. 

“Deal.” 

“Of all the days to hold a banquet it had to be immediately after a crazy case, Noah having the stomach flu, and I am still dealing with a bunch of egotistical barbarians having a full blown dominance contest in my office daily.” Olivia stated to no one but herself. 

She walked into her closet to pull out two new dresses she had picked up for the event. She quickly looked at the clock and groaned as she realized she needed to be ready for Fin to pick her up in less than an hour. 

She wished Rafael could have picked her up for the event since he would be there as well as the rest of the DA’s office. However, she did not want to cause anymore suspicions than she already had going on in her office. 

She knew Fin had already figured everything out but thankfully he hadn’t said much to her about it. 

“Shower first then dresses. Maybe Lucy can let me know which one she likes best.” She thought as she sent a quick picture of both dresses held up to her in the mirror to her and stepped into the hot shower. 

An hour and fifteen minutes later she was showered, hair tossed in curls, light make-up added to her face, dressed in the dress Lucy picked out and just finished slipping on her shoes when she heard the doorbell ring and Lucy yell out that she would get it. 

She touched up her lipstick and grabbed her clutch as she looked back in the mirror one more time. She was in a black A-line dress with a very deep neck line. She loved the dress and it hugged her curves just right. She was not self conscious in the dress one bit and as she looked at herself she felt sexy in her dress and heels. 

She had butterflies and nerves for the evening and knew it had nothing to do with the award. This would be the first time Barba would see her dolled up this way and she wished they were riding together so they could have a few moments of peace before the night began. 

Plus she knew that he would be in a suit or tux for the event since it was a black-tie only event and with how great she thought he looked in his work suits she could only imagine him in a tux fitted exactly for him. She blushed at the thought as she made her way to the living room. 

As she walked into the living room the sight before her made her stop in her tracks. 

Rafael was standing in her living room in a tuxedo holding a sleepy Noah in his arms swaying back and forth with his eyes closed. 

She could only slightly make out what he was saying but she knew he was softly singing to Noah in Spanish and she just took him all in as she watched him and her son’s bond. 

She had to admit he made a tuxedo look good. He wore the tuxedo and not the other way around like with most men she knew. 

Thanks to Noah’s little hand holding onto him she could see that even when he is dressed his best he still had suspenders on under his jacket. 

She watched as he turned to lay Noah on the couch. He had not yet noticed Olivia standing there and she was thankful because it allowed her to eye him not just from the front but also from behind as he bent to cover a sleeping toddler up with his blanket. 

“I could get used to this. Where is Fin?” She stated and he quickly looked back at her and stopped suddenly mid-turn and she saw his green eyes turn dark emerald quickly. 

“Eres una diosa.” She heard him say as he continued to eye her. 

“Do you like? I let Lucy pick between a few dresses for tonight.” She said as she smiled and twirled for him to see the dress. 

“Olivia..” She heard him barely whisper with a deep voice. 

He stepped forward and took her into his arms. 

“If I wasn’t the man I am I would show you just how much I love this dress.” He growled in her ear as he kissed her. 

It was not a long kiss nor was it a messy kiss. It was a quick but passionate kiss and it took her breath away as he pulled back when Lucy walked back in the room. 

Olivia blushed as Lucy walked in and caught them. Although she wasn’t sure if it was her seeing them kiss or Barba’s statement. 

They had yet to move past kissing and holding each other and she was wondering if he had thought of them doing more. As she thought about this she blushed more because knew she had. Thankfully Lucy was playing oblivious tonight. 

“Okay you two! Go enjoy your night! Olivia, I have Noah. Go! Have fun and live a little!” She stated as she shooed them out the door. 

“Olivia.” Rafael stated as he held his hand out to her to help her down the steps and onto the sidewalk. 

As they made their way to the sidewalk she realized he drove his Jaguar and she smiled at him as he helped her in the front seat before going around to get in himself. As they drove to the event she asked him again what happened to Fin. 

“Nothing. Him and I talked and he was more than happy to let me pick you up instead. He was going to get Melinda instead and was a bit nervous about it actually.” Barba stated as he drove with a grin. 

She knew what he was up to and decided to play along as she put her hand high on his thigh rubbing her thumb along his thigh as she did. She watched as his hands tightened the steering wheel as she did and laughed at him as his face became tighter. 

“Eres in vixen mi amor.” He stated dryly as they pulled into the parking garage bypassing the valet parking. 

Before she knew what had happened he was helping her out of the car and pulling her into a deep kiss. 

“Tu seras mi muerte esta noche.” He whispered as he kissed her once more before they walked into the banquet. 


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14:**

He didn’t know if it was because of the never ending scotch glass or if it was because Olivia was sitting next to him in a dress that made his mind wonder more than he wanted to admit but he was actually relaxed. 

He expected to be seated somewhere else but thankfully his place card was at the 1-6th table along with the rest of the team. With a quick sleight of hand and a wink to Fin he was able to move his place card next to Olivia’s and switch Melinda and Stabler’s to allow Fin to be next to Melinda. 

He did not know who to thank for not being seated with the other DA’s or with his usual groups he ends up next to at these events but he would definitely have them in his prayers that evening. 

The dinner went better than he expected it to and he had actually enjoyed himself. 

He and Stabler actually had a normal conversation about one of Stabler’s daughters wanting to pursue a law degree and by the end of the conversation he offered his time to talk to the young woman surprising everyone including himself. 

He still was not a fan of the detective but things had smoothened out over the past few weeks and he knew he needed to thank Fin for that as well. 

_ “That man is a blessing.” _ He thought as he looked at Fin smile at Melinda who he swore wore a permanent blush next to the detective. 

As the first few speeches started they all turned towards the stage to tune into the different speeches. Most were the same old stories he had heard a dozen times at the many benefits and functions he had attended over the past few years. 

As the mayor took the stage for his speech and the presentation of the 1-6th award he had taken Olivia’s hand under the table without even realizing it. As he took her hand he felt the fire he fought just a few short hours before. 

It had been a few months since that initial night in her office and his thoughts were becoming more and more heated than just friends. Before he knew it his sinful thoughts were brought back to reality and he was clapping as the team was making their way to the front lead by Olivia. 

She was radiant and his heart skipped as she looked at him smiling while she gave thanks for the award and said a few words to the group. 

Tonight he was not a DA. At least not to him. Tonight he was her guy, her rock, her stability, even if they couldn’t be open about it yet. 

He was proud and humbled that not only had she and her team been recognized but that at the end of the day she was his and he was determined to make sure he made sure everyone knew it tonight - Subtlety of course. 

As he watched her make her way back to the table he watched as she looked at him with a smile and a glint in her eye and he gave her a smile and a devilish grin as she sat back down. 

“Ladies and Gentleman please enjoy yourselves and the rest of tonight’s festivities as we move to our dancing part of the tonight's program.” 

He knew this was his moment to be the oh so subtle one he was. The thought made him grin and look at her as he stood. 

“Care to dance Lieutenant?” He asked and she and the rest of the team raised an eyebrow at him as he did. 

“Raf.. umm.. are you sure?” She asked trying not to cause suspicion. 

“Liv give the poor man a break. Go dance. Live a little. It’s okay.” Fin stated as he raised his glass towards him and Barba nodded back. 

As they made their way over to the rest of the guests dancing he had his hand on the small of her back and he knew she could feel the fire too by how her breath caught as he placed it there. 

He smiled to himself at the thought of what she may be thinking and as he took her into his arms he heard her sigh. 

“You know Lieutenant.. there are some who would say this dress is against the law.” He stated to her in barely whisper but he knew she heard him when she arched her eyebrow again at him. 

“It’s a little.. how do I say.. intriguing.” He stated again as he grinned and twirled her. 

“Rafi.. Are we doing the right thing?” She questioned with a worried look on her face as she looked around. 

“Liv.. mi amor.. it’s okay. I don’t care if the whole world finds out tonight. I just want you and I want to be able to dance with my amazing, wonderful, and brilliant girlfriend at a banquet where she was honored.” 

He pulled her closer to him and he felt her hand on his chest as he did and it sent fire down his body as she leaned into him more. 

They danced a few more songs and he knew a few people had eyed them but he could have cared less. He was ready for them to be public and he couldn’t care if they were in trouble. 

It was not like him to be this way but he knew this, she and Noah, were what he wanted and he was damned if anyone was going to stop that. As they went to make their way back to the table to the rest of the group Olivia excused herself to the ladies room. 

As he went to get a fresh air while waiting for Olivia to return he heard a voice from behind. 

“Barba I expect you and I to discuss this evening first thing Monday.” The DA stated as he gave Barba a hardened face that let him know it was about him and Liv. 

“Sir -“ 

“Barba what you do in your personal time does not involve me. However, we will discuss it further at another time.” He stated as he went to turn away. 

“Oh and Barba?” 

“Yes sir?” 

“Congratulations. Now I need to see where Fin and Amanda are.. they owe me some money.” He stated back as he chuckled and shook Barba’s hand before turning to leave. 

“What was that about?” Olivia asked him as they made their way back to the table to say their goodbyes to the team. 

“Let’s just say that as of Monday we are officially on the DA’s radar and I am sure the commissioners as well since they were both talking and exchanging money between them and Fin 5 minutes ago.” 

He looked at her and took her hand in his without even caring anymore and both shared a genuine smile and a similar look in their eyes. They stated their goodbyes and walked to the parking garage with Fin and Melinda before parting ways with the other couple.

“Where to Counselor?” Olivia asked with a hint of amusement in her eyes. 

“Well Lieutenant I have a bottle of red wine at my apartment and Lucy has Noah for the night. Care to see where the night takes us tonight?” He asked her as he gave her a devilish grin with his eyes undressing her. 

“Your call.” She stated back as she laid her hand on his thigh once again and pulled her knee up just enough for the slit to show her thigh. 

“What am I going to do with you Olivia?” He stated through gritted teeth. 

“I can think of a few things..” She said under hooded eyes and brought her hand higher on his thigh not yet reaching where he really wanted her to be. 

Barba groaned as he pulled the Jaguar onto the street and glared at her as she laughed.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15:**

Olivia and Barba pulled into the parking garage for his apartment and she was more nervous then than she was at the beginning of the night. She knew she shouldn’t worry or be nervous because Rafael wouldn’t do anything she didn’t want and that his perfect gentleman self would more than likely make her be the one to make the first move. 

However, she also knew that they both would be alone tonight at his apartment without having to worry about Noah or anyone else bothering them which was a first. She loved her little boy and she knew he did as well but she was thankful Lucy had agreed to keep him for the whole night.

“Mi amore.” Rafael stated as he opened her door and put his hand out to help her out of the car. 

“Always a gentleman. Thank you Rafi.” She stated as she stepped out and took his hand further in hers. 

“I try.” He stated as he kissed her and pulled her into a tight embrace. 

“You’ve driven me mad all night Liv. You look amazing in this dress. Even more so than usual. Now.. let’s see how the rest of the night goes shall we?” He asked her with a dark sparkle in his eye. 

“Let’s go.” 

As they stepped into the elevator she could feel the tension between the two of them tighten and thicken. 

_ “Keep your cool Benson. You can’t just jump his bones because you want to.. especially not in a public elevator.”  _ She thought to herself as she leaned against his side and held his hand. 

As if he could read her mind he pulled her hand to his lips and kissed her hand and winked at her as the bell dinged for their floor. 

“Ready to see Casa de Barba?” He asked humorously as they stepped off the elevator and she smiled at him as they walked to the apartment. 

She was not surprised at how clean and organized his apartment was. Not one bit. She knew if his everyday personality was anything like his home personality his home would be clean and well kept. 

What she was not expecting was how homey it felt to her. 

She noticed as she walked in that he did have a few pictures of his mother, abuela, and what seemed to be a few of the squad he had taken from his phone over the last few years. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” She heard from behind. 

As she turned she saw him holding a glass of wine for her while he held a scotch in his hand. 

“Thank you.” 

She took the glass from him and turned towards the pictures again and felt him stand behind her with a hand on her hip. 

“Just surprised to see the pictures of everyone. When did you take them?” 

“Here and there. I figured you’ve caused havoc enough at the office that i should also have you causing havoc at home too.” He stated as he looked at her with a humorous smirk and she laughed with him. 

“Well if that’s all you wanted you should have just asked. I wouldn’t have made it so easy for you do to so.” She stated as she laughed and leaned into him for a kiss. 

They stood in the living room kissing and swaying to their own music for what she felt was forever. Neither of them wanted to rush the moment but both wanted to enjoy each other in more ways than one tonight. She was so happy to be with him and knew he was happy she agreed to return with him.

“I have to get out of these shoes Rafi.. my feet are killing me. I wish I had brought something different to wear. I did not think this night through at all.” She stated as she pulled away and she swore she could hear him groan as she held her hand on his chest. 

“Here sit. Let everyone help you.” He stated as he led her to the couch. 

As she sat she was surprised when he sat on the ottoman in front of her and pulled her feet into his lap and started massage her feet after the shoes were off. 

“I’ve got to get dolled up more if this is how the night will end.” She stated as she laid her head against the back of the couch and watched him through hooded eyes. 

“You wouldn’t need to be dolled up Liv. Just tell me when and I will.” He stated as his hands started to work their way to her calves. 

She knew she had groaned as he did and did not care. Her legs and feet were killing her and she was enjoying the massage and enjoying having his hands on her. Even if they were not where she wanted them to be at yet. 

“Liv…” She heard as his hands stopped. 

When she lifted her head and looked down she saw his eyes were deeper than ever before and her breath was taken as she saw the heat in them. 

“Rafi.” She replied not sure of anything else to say. 

She knew this was it. This was the moment that would not only define the rest of the night but also their relationship. 

Before she knew it he had pulled her onto his lap and was kissing her with a passion she had not had before. 

Both of them moving their hands over each other and hers ended up on his back under his jacket while his were on the top of her butt and hips. 

“Eres increible mi amor.” He stated between kisses. 

As they kissed and the kisses became more passionate she moved her hands to his shoulders to push his jacket off them. 

“Olivia.. I don’t want to rush you tonight.” She heard him say as she moved the jacket off his shoulders.

“Stop being such a gentleman Rafi.” She stated as he grunted and stood with her in his arms and she let out a gasp at the heat in his eyes. 

”Olivia.. don’t say things you don’t mean.” He whispered into her ear sending sparks and heat throughout her body as he did so. 

“I never do Rafael Barba. Now will you be Rafi for once and not Mr. Barba?” She replied. 

As she kissed him again and she could feel his groan and growl throughout her body as he moved them through the apartment and down the hall to his bedroom. 

  
  



	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16:**

Barba carried Olivia down the hall and into his room. He had originally planned on doing this a bit more romantic but she had been driving him wild the entire night and even longer the more he thought about it. 

She was lighter in his arms than he expected and made a mental note to make sure she actually ate 3 meals at least 3 times a week. 

As he made it to his room and opened the door he held his breath. His home was designed, for the most part, by the salesman at the furniture shop. 

His bedroom however, was designed and decorated by him and him alone. This room was where he kept his deeper, inner thoughts and most never saw this room or even this side of him. 

He laid her on the bed and kissed her deeply and slowly as he hovered above her with his hands and arms outstretched propping him up over her. 

“Liv..” He whispered as she moved to pull his undid bow tie from his shirt collar. 

“Rafi.. she whispered back as she pulled the bow tie and lead his head back down to hers. 

Neither one rushed and both did not want to ruin their relationship or friendship. 

She moved to unbutton his dress shirt and push it off his shoulders. As the fabric fell down his arms it got caught on his wrists and they both fought the cuff links he was wearing. 

“Fucking hell!” She growled as they both sat up so he could remove the links himself and put them away. 

“So you hate the cuff links?” He asked with a grin and she glared back at him. 

“Noted.” 

She was sitting up and leaned against his headboard and propped up with his pillows. Her hair was a mess and her face was flushed and he did not know when she looked more beautiful to him. 

“Ms. Benson you are radiant and a devil.” He stated as he leaned back against his dresser across the room and looked at her through dark eyes.

”Well counselor what is your next move?” She asked as her brown eyes darkened. 

He was enjoying their game and he knew she was too. 

“Well I could always go read some files, prepare for court ..” He stated through dark eyes and Olivia’s darkened as he did. 

“Or I could come over there and we could find something more.. productive.. to do with our time. What do you say Ms. Benson?” He asked as he slowly walked to her on the bed and leaned down to her as she moved up towards him taking his lips as she did. 

“I think the jury is out counselor. You are on your own for a bit?” 

He kissed her hard as he pulled her close to him and both of them groaned as the distance was closed between the two. 

“Rafael.. please.” Olivia stated as her hands moved to his pants. 

As her hands went south he pulled her hands up above her head and continued his kisses down her neck and to her shoulders and chest. He kept her hands in one of his hands and moved the other down her back and pulled her zipper on her dress as he moved his hands down her back towards her waist. 

As his hands touched her bare skin he heard her gasp and felt her skin prickle under his hands. He smiled as he continued kissing down her arms and as he moved the dress off her shoulders. 

“Olivia you are beautiful. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise.” He whispered in her ear as he continued his travels over her body while he pulled off the dress. 

He took his time as he continued undressing her and couldn’t believe what was happening as she did the same to him pushing him off of her and taking control. His head started to spin as she undid his dress pants and started pulling them off of his legs. 

He watched her as she continued her torture on him before finally having enough of it and rolled them over taking back control. 

“Olivia I want to show you how much you mean to me but to be honest I am not sure I can tonight.” He stated as he looked into her eyes. 

“Then don’t. We have time Rafi. I’m not going anywhere.” She replied looking into his eyes.

“Stop thinking Barba and just feel.” She whispered. 

With a slight smile she looked up at him and he could have sworn she was able to read every thought he ever had. Too many times did he think she would run for the hills as she learned more about him and as they both started to allow their guards to fall. 

As he kissed her he could feel the emotions from both of them. This was unusual to him and he normally wouldn’t be worried about it. However, in this moment he knew he was falling for the woman in his arms and this was going to be the beginning of his life. 

He knew he wanted to be there to continue their journey everyday and not just for the night. He wanted to be the one to help with Noah and be able to see her as a mother to their children, Noah included. 

As his mind continue to race he looked at Olivia and into her eyes. He needed to see the same thoughts and emotions in hers as he knew were in his. 

“Rafi. Kiss me. We can think later. I can see your wheels spinning.” She said to him as he gave her a questioning look at her first remark. 

He kissed her passionately as he let his mind stop thinking and let his body and heart take control of the night. 


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17:**

“Noah where are your pants?” Olivia asked as she chased down a very giggly toddler who had no desire to wear what his mother had picked out for him.. or anything else in his wardrobe. 

“Noah Porter-Benson don’t you dare take that off!” 

She sighed as she watched a very happy toddler whip off his pull-up while laughing at her as he continued to run around the table fully nude and she shook her head while he did so. 

On normal afternoon she would laugh with him but today she was expecting her team to be here any minute for a family game night. Since Rollins started to plan them they usually would meet at her place but since Lucy had the night off she stated she would host. 

“Noah we have friends coming over soon and we have to put something on you -“ she stated to the toddler as he squealed at the doorbell and ran into the living room wearing only his cowboy boots. 

_ Well.. at least he’s not fully nude.. ugh I am sure he will pee on something. Please let him take this one time to actually want to be a big boy.  _ She thought as she went to the door.

“Elliot! Hi.. umm.. what are you doing here?” 

“Family game night, remember? Or was the “new guy” not invited?” 

“No. You were. You are just early. I wasn’t expecting anyone for at least another 30 minutes.” 

“Well.. I thought we could catch up before hand. Are you going to let me in or should I get comfortable on the stoop?” He asked and she waved him in as she smiled. 

“Please don’t judge. Noah, my son, is not wanting to wear anything and is finding it very amusing to watch Mommy try to wrangle him for clothing.. and a diaper now apparently.” Olivia stated as they made it to the living room and came to a toddler in the buff wearing only boots and Olivia’s old NYPD cover. 

“Well hello little guy!” Elliot stated as he crouched down to the toddlers eye level. 

“Your mommy says you don’t want to wear any pants. Why?” Elliott asked as Olivia raised an eye at him. 

She knew her son and he rarely took to many who he did not know but here he was looking her old partner, her old love, up and down sizing him up for what he was worth. If she didn’t know better she was seeing the exact same look Barba used when he is in the courtroom. 

“I wear boots and ‘at!” She heard Noah proudly proclaim. 

“I see that and I think your boots are awesome!” Elliot stated back to him still at his eye level. “I bet you are a big boy right?” She heard him ask and saw Noah nod his head very enthusiastically. 

She knew Noah knew what being a “big boy” meant since her and Lucy had started to potty train him and used the phrase quite often. 

“Well I am a big boy too and big boys have to wear pants and shirts.” Elliot stated to Noah and she smiled and nodded at her son as he glanced at her. 

She was enjoying not being the one to bargain with her son at the moment and it was nice seeing Elliot with Noah. 

“I wear ‘agon ‘ants and ‘penders” Noah stated with a very matter-of-fact nod at the end. Elliot looked back at her from his perch in front of Noah. 

“He would like Dragon pants and suspenders Liv. I’m no help with locating them but if you throw me the pull up behind you I’ll do that for you.” He stated and took the pull up from her as she thanked him for helping her. 

_ Of course Noah and Elliot would get along and that he could get Noah to put clothes on.. what’s next? Noah makes Rafi do the potty break and the two barbarian egos put Noah to bed together? _ She thought to herself. 

She grabbed Noah’s favorite pair of pants with fabric dragon spikes coming off the legs and bum and his new favorite lime green suspenders, thanks to Barba. Thankfully he had agreed to a t-shirt he had in the living room and allowed Elliot to put it over his head as she walked to his room a few minutes earlier. 

As she finished getting Noah dressed the bell rang and she expected it to be Rollins or Carisi, or both, with 2 games for the evening. She had allowed Rollins to pick the games for the night and Carisi had agreed to handle the food for the evening as long as she would get drinks. As she opened the door she was surprised. 

“Rafi! You are early.” She stated nervously as he leaned in for a kiss and she gave him a quick one back. 

“Umm.. you missed the adventure and excitement of Noah not wanting any pants.” 

“Well he’s not the only one” he gruffed as he leaned into her ear and whispered as he kissed her cheek. 

As they rounded the corner she felt him tense beside her as he saw Elliot on the floor with Noah and she squeezed his hand in response as she leaned into his ear. 

“Rafi.. he’s not a threat.” She stated as she kissed his cheek and thanked Elliot for getting Noah dressed for her. 

“It really wasn’t any issue Liv. He’s a cute kid and I have had those moments more times than I’ve been able to count.” He stated as he stood and shook Barba’s hand. 

“Barba. Good to see you.” He stated as the two shared a curt nod with each other. 

“You missed the excitement though. Liv and I were wrangling this little guy into some clothes. Love the pants but I’m not sure where his love of these suspenders comes from.. It was a nightmare trying to hook them to the pants Liv.” He stated to Barba and Liv could see the fire in Barba’s eyes as he heard Elliot’s words. 

“You have to loop them through the three small holes on the waistband.” Barba stated as Noah came running down the hall towards him. 

“ ‘Afi!! I wear ‘penders oo!” He stated as he jumped into Barba’s arms and live smiled and laughed at the quickness of Barba’s reflexes. 

“You are getting good at that” She stated to him as she ruffled Noah’s hair as the doorbell rang again. 

“Hey guys! Come on in! Barba and Elliot are already here.” Liv stated as her team walked in and Finn gave her a look. 

“Don’t worry so far everyone is playing nice. Except Noah.. He’s got something up his sleeve. I just know it.” 

“Well let's get in there and make sure it stays that way. I think Amanda has a new game today and i am not sure it is mature.. She has been giggling the whole way over.” Finn stated as they made it to the group. 

“Okay guys. Tonight we are playing a new one and it’s not the for weak.” Amanda stated as she pulled out Cards Against Humanity and explained the game to everyone. 

“Well this is going to get interesting.” Elliot stated as they all took their seats and Noah was sitting in his high chair eating cheerios. 


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18:**

As the games ended and the drinks started Liv went to move a sleeping Noah from the couch to his bedroom. As she went to pick up the small dinosaur, as he now wanted to be called, he started to whimper. 

“Shh.. you are okay Noah.” She softly smoothed as she swayed him back and forth for a moment while his head lifted from her shoulder. 

“Afi? Where Afi Mommy?” The small boy groggily half asleep 

Olivia sat with him on the couch trying to sooth him back to sleep. However, he had other plans. He wiggled from his mother's embrace and onto the floor in search of his favorite bedtime buddy. 

Olivia smiled at the moment and knew this was not the first and it would not be the last time he would do this. She only hoped Rafael would embrace this moment just like he had the previous times, even if they had a house full of people tonight. 

Barba was sitting with the group as the board games and cards ended and his scotch glass was refilled. He was glad the night had gone very well so far and was surprisingly enjoying having everyone around. 

“Barba how is everything going on your end?” Amanda asked from the other side of the table. 

“It’s.. going.” He stated with a sly smile and chuckle. 

He took a sip of his scotch and she laughed and eyed him while she took a glance at Elliot while she took a sip of her wine. In response Barba’s sly smile returned and he rose an eyebrow to her with his all-knowing look. Both sharing a moment of unexpected friendship. 

“Barba, so tell us how you won over Olivia? I know she can be a tough egg to crack.” Elliot asked. 

He rolled his eyes as he took a sip of scotch and saw Amanda eye him again in response before looking between the two of them. Rafael was seated at one end and Elliot at the other end of the table with everyone in between. 

“Well I didn’t need to “crack her open” Stabler but you are right. It wasn’t easy.” He stated allowing the other man a little information about their lives. 

Barba was still guarded around Elliot and he did now know how much Olivia really wanted him to know. Deciding to tread the waters and stay in the shallow ends of everything Barba stated, 

“It wasn’t easy. Olivia can be a bit..” 

“Stubborn” Fin inserted as the team chucked and nodded in agreement. 

“True. However, I would say she is timid.” Barba stated back to everyone and looked at Stabler as he continued. 

“She’s been hurt. Badly. That affected her in more ways than one and she just needed to be shown she doesn’t always need to be the one with all the answers.” 

The two men shared a heated look between them that was not lost on everyone around the table. As a quiet settled over the two Fin and Amanda eyed each other and as she started to speak up and change the subject Elliot spoke. 

“Noah is a great kid. You are one lucky guy Barba.” He started before pausing for a moment.

“To have been blessed with not just Olivia but also with a headstrong son. I don’t know if he gets it from you or her but I do know that I wouldn’t want to be on the other end of his stubbornness if he keeps it up.” Elliot stated as he looked at Barba square in the eye and with a nod he lifted his beer to toast him. 

Barba returned the sentiment not sure of what to say back to Elliot in this moment and as he took a sip of his scotch he looked over at Amanda. 

“All I know is that when Noah grows up lets hope he doesn’t become a cop or a lawyer. I’m not sure the world can handle anymore of these two!’ She stated as she elbowed Carisi under the table. 

“Agreed!” 

Barba looked over at Fin who had given him a knowing look with a smile and nod. Barba knew Fin wouldn’t say anything and neither would the rest of the team. 

Noah and his background was Olivia’s to share and hers only to share and the team knew that. If she hadn’t allowed Elliot that information yet he, or any of them, wouldn’t cross that line. 

As the conversation continued and everyone was sharing shop talk and laughing over stories of the past and present he heard the pitter patter of tiny feet coming into the room. 

“Afi..” He heard from behind. 

He turned to see a sleepy Noah wearing his dinosaur pajamas with his green suspenders still attached. He chuckled at the look and knew he would need to explain to Noah he didn’t have to wear the suspenders all the time. 

He knew Olivia was with him getting him to bed and he must have wiggled from her wanting him. He loved that Noah did this and loved that he often went to him for things instead of Liv since they started to date. 

“Come here Mijo.” 

Barba pushed his chair back a bit to make room for the little boy in his lap. Noah scurried over and crawled into his lap like he had done it a thousand times before. 

“5 minutes okay? Then it’s to bed for you.” 

After the little boy was settled Barba went back to the conversation and noticed everyone looking at him and saw Elliot looking at him with sad look in his eyes. 

“What did I miss in here?” Olivia said from behind him and he felt her hand on his shoulder. 

He and Noah looked up at her and both smiled. As they did he heard a click of a camera and as he turned his head back he saw Amanda on the phone while Elliot spoke. 

“Just catching up and getting to know each other.” 

Barba kept his eyes on Liv as she sat and put her hands out for Noah who shook his head “no” and snuggled into Barba more sneaking a hand up to grasp his shirt where his suspenders usually were. 

Barba smiled at her and kept talking with the group as he felt a little hand reach out and pull his arm closer to only return to his shirt a second later. Barba complied and wrapped one arm around Noah further as the sleepy boy curled into the side of him before falling back to sleep. 

As the conversation continued and Elliot, Fin, and Olivia swapped stories of “the good times” Barba felt his phone go off in his pocket and carefully reached to get it without waking the now sleeping Noah curled up to him. 

As he opened it and looked at the messages he smiled his Barba smile and looked up at Amanda as she winked back at him. She had snapped photos of not just him, Olivia, and Noah but also of him and Noah there together and he was in love with all of them. 

“ _ Thank you.”  _

“ _ No prob. I don’t think you have anything to worry about Barba. She’s in love and so is Noah.”  _ She sent back and he felt his chest tighten at the words.

_ She loves me? Really? Is it too soon?  _ He thought to himself as he saw her texting him back.

“ _ Stop freaking out over there. You have your mean lines attached to your forehead. Don’t think. Just feel.” _

He read her text twice before looking up at her and she tilted her beer bottle towards him and he returned the gesture as they both took a sip of their respective drinks while listening to the 3 old friends continue their stories. 

As he sat there holding Noah close to him and stole a glance at Olivia while she laughed. 

“ _ I have fallen in love with you Olivia Margaret Benson. Have you fallen for me too?”  _ He thought. 

He kissed the top of Noah’s head and shared a smile and winked at Amanda as they both rejoined the conversation picking fun at Carisi. 


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19:**

Olivia watched as Rafael and Noah snuggled in the chair while everyone carried on the conversation. Her heart tugged at seeing the way he was with Noah and at how taken Noah was with him as well. 

She didn’t know how long she was staring before Fin nudged her with his arm. 

“Zoning out there Liv?” 

Amanda snickered and Barba raised his eyebrow at her. 

“Sorry. Just thinking of all those times Elliot and I had to save your ass.” She retorted and it allowed the conversation to shift to more laughter as Fin agreed and provided everyone intensive details of such times. 

It wasn’t too much longer before everyone was started to head out and soon it was her, Barba, and Noah left in her apartment. 

“Liv do you want me to put him in his bed for you?” 

As she turned to answer her breath caught in her chest. Barba was standing at the threshold of the kitchen holding Noah close with the little boys head resting on his shoulder and one little hand clinging at his t-shirt he was wearing. 

Barba’s hair was tussled and not slicked with the normal amount of hair product, his jeans had slid onto his hips further, and Olivia noticed his converses were once again present on his feet. 

She smiled at him and nodded not being able to actually make any words form. As she watched him walk to Noah’s room she took in the picture before her and her heart swelled.

“ _ That man has stolen the heart of that little boy.. and his momma too.” _ She thought to herself as she slowly made her way to peek into Noah’s room to see how he was doing. 

This was the first time Barba had actually put Noah to bed without her doing it and him watching. She watched as he laid the toddler in his bed, made sure Pip was near, double checked the nightlight, and kissed his head. 

She watched as Barba softly sang to Noah in spanish when he started to get restless right after he was out of the arms he fell asleep in. 

“ _ I do not know how I got this lucky.” _ She thought as she made her way back to the kitchen, leaving the two to continue the bedtime routine. 

“He should be out for the night Liv.” She heard Barba say as she was putting away the last of the clean dishes. 

“Thank you Raf.” She said as she looked at him and smiled before leaning into a kiss. 

“You don’t have to thank me. I love that little guy.” 

He held Olivia close to him with her head on his chest as she snuggled close. Olivia loved being close to him and felt safe when he held her this way and she only hoped he felt the same way she did. She did not know if her heart, or Noah’s, could handle if he didn’t. 

“Raf..” She stated as she leaned back to look up at him. 

“What are we doing?” She asked him with caution and worry in both her voice and eyes. 

“Olivia.” He said softly. 

_ “This is it.. he’s going to say he is in over his head and run back to his flings and no commitment.”  _ She thought and tensed as he looked at her. 

“Olivia. Hey.. look at me.” He stated to her and she felt his hand on her face turning it up to him. 

“Liv.. my Olivia.. I don’t want to scare you off.” He started and she looked at his eyes seeing worry deep in them. 

“But you can't do this..” 

She started to pull out of his arms. 

“Olivia I never said that.” He stated matter of factly. 

She stopped to look at him as he walked up to her. 

“Olivia. Mi hermosa.” He stated as she looked up at him once again as he took her into his arms and she let him. 

“I’m not running.. and neither should you.” He whispered as his hand moved the hair from her face. 

“I told you before I wanted to get to know you and spend time with you outside of work. I wanted to know you as a mother, as a friend, as a lover.” He stated. 

She didn’t miss the sparkle in his eye at the last part as he took a deep breath. 

“Now I am asking you let me in, let me have your heart Liv. I know you are still weary and I know you have struggled with letting others in and I know you worry about Noah’s heart too. I KNOW you Liv. I know what you are thinking before you say it half the time. So I know you are worried with many “What if’s” but don’t.” He stated as she felt his hands come up and hold her face in them as she moved her hands to his chest. 

“I am in love with you Olivia Margaret Benson. I am in love with the way you drive me crazy, I am in love with how you make me want to pull my hair out daily, and more importantly I am in love with the way you love me back.” He stated and her breath caught. 

Before she could say anything he continued. 

“I am in love with Noah and the way he always wants to be like me. I love the way he insists on suspenders, combovers, and I am in love with the way he loves me too. I would do anything for him and for you. Just tell me you love me too Olivia.” He stated with a pleading look of worry in his eyes. 

“Rafael.. I..” She started but the words failed her. 

She could not make a sentence and could not get her brain to work. She was in shock. Instead she reached up and pulled his face to hers kissing him with everything she had and hoped what he could know what she was feeling. 

They both groaned as the kiss deepened further and he pushed her back to the counter, lifting her as he did. 

He kept his hands on her hips as they continued to kiss and she felt like his hands were fire on her. She wanted them on her everywhere but he wouldn’t move them. She knew he wouldn’t until she actually answered his question. 

_ “Always has to be the one in control” _ She thought as she smiled and pulled back to look him in the eyes. 

“Rafi.. I love that Noah loves you and I love how you are with him.” She started as she leaned in to give him a slight kiss. 

“I never in a million years thought I would find someone who not only cared for me but also for Noah and who wouldn’t run at the sight of a toddler and a single mother. You have exceeded any expectations or thoughts I have had about you, about us.” 

She kissed his left cheek and heard his breath hitch.

“You have taken not just me but also Noah and allowed us into your fortress of a heart and have allowed us to mess with your tidy and controlled life. I love how you play with him, how you hold him, how he runs to you whenever you are near. I love that you never question it when people assume he is your son when we are out and about.”

She kissed his right cheek and felt his heart race. 

“I love how much you care not just for Noah but for me. But more importantly..”

She kissed him slightly and ghosted over his lips.

“I love how much I love you.” She whispered.

She saw a tear slip down his cheek. She leaned in and kissed it away and he took the opportunity to kiss her. 

“Stay here tonight.” 

They both smiled before he lifted her and carried her down the hall. Both forgetting about anything but each other, and Noah, for the night. 


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20:**

“Okay team looks like we are going to be in this one for the long haul.” Elliott heard Olivia state as she came out of her office. 

Elliott sighed along with the rest of the team. They had been working a very rough case over the last 48 hours and hadn’t made much progress on it and each of them were on their last nerve with the situation. To top it all off they had been working with the FBI the last few hours. 

“Liv I don’t know how much more we can all take on this one? Plus we have the suits calling all the shots.” Elliott said to her and everyone nodded in agreement. 

“I know and I feel you. Trust me.” She said as she smiled at him and 

“But it’s going to be different over the next week or so.. Amanda..” She started as she looked over at Amanda. 

“Looks like we are going undercover on this one.” Olivia stated as both Elliott and Finn started to object. 

“And before the two of you have an aneurysm Elliott you and Carisi will be joining. Finn you will run things and be in charge.” 

“Leu, have you called in Barba for this?” Carisi asked worried about what the ADA will think of Olivia going undercover with Elliott. He knew the two men did not care for each other and he doubted Barba would be completely okay with the idea. 

“I’ll handle Barba.” 

Fin and Amanda shared a look between the two but both remained silent. 

“Look the suits want to put two “couples” undercover to crack this case. Now I don’t know about you but I would rather SVU take it than have the suits take over and we are completely out of this.” Olivia stated and Elliott raised an eyebrow at her. 

“Well what do we do now Liv?” 

For the next few hours the group planned everything. Every movement, every action, everything. None of them wanted anything to go crazy. 

Fin, Amanda, and Carisi asked more questions about safety and the exacts of just how they needed to be while undercover. The three wanted to know everything and make sure everyone was on the same page. Plus, none of them wanted to be the one to call Barba if something went haywire. 

“So we and them” Elliot started as he motioned to him, Liv, Amanda, and Carisi. “Are going to be two couples trying to get into these wackos inner circle? Why do we need all of us? Isn’t that a bit risky?” 

“Yea Liv why not just let Rollins and Carisi here take it while we handle things on this end?” Fin asked motioning to the two younger detectives. 

“Because Fin.. FBI wants two separate couples and its either we have both or they do both.” 

Everyone understood the severity of the case and the need of all four of them being involved. After another hour of getting the details together and getting the FBI to agree to most of their plan it was time to call it quits for the night as seeing the operation jump starts the following morning. 

As Olivia made her way into her office Elliott watched wondering if they should actually talk before they had to go undercover as a couple the following morning. He walked to her office and knocked, hoping she wouldn’t kick him out before they actually talked. 

“Elliott. What can I do for you?” 

“Liv I figured we could actually talk and move past the one-word discussions. Especially since it looks like we are going to have to pull off this undercover thing over the next week at the least.” Elliott stated as they both sat looking at each other in her office. 

“What’s there to talk about El? You left, you came back, now here we are.” 

He looked at her with sadness and anger in his deep blue eyes. He was mad at everyone that put them in this predicament. He was mad the feds for ripping away his life. He was mad at the bad guys for being bad. He was mad at Olivia for moving on without him. He was mad at Barba for being Barba and for having what he had dreamt about for year. He was mad. But most of all he was mad at himself for hurting her. 

He had loved her for as long as he could remember and knew it started years before he even realized it. He knew Kathy had been right all along and while he and Olivia never physically crossed the line they had crossed it emotionally. On more occasions than he would ever admit. 

“Olivia I never meant to hurt you.” 

“You didn’t.” 

“Yes I did. You can’t lie to me. I know you Liv.” Elliott stated to her as she glared at him. 

“Elliott what is there to discuss? I don’t want to dwell in the past.” 

“Just let me explain what happened. That way we can start on a clean slate tomorrow and my conscious can be clear of the pain I caused you.” He said to her as he sat up and leaned onto her desk. 

Over the next hour he explained to her the same story he had told Cragen just a few short months prior. He explained to her how he and Kathy had filed for divorce and that when the FBI put them in witness protection the divorce was terminated and instead they were forced to stay together. 

He told her of the struggles of leaving unexpectedly and having to not be a cop, not be a detective, and not be her partner. He explained to her how his heart broke when he was unable to call her or anyone to try to explain and how Kathy held it against him the entire 7 years they were away. 

Elliot pleaded with Olivia that he did not want to leave and that he wanted to stay. He wanted to stay in New York, at NYPD, at SVU. But most importantly he wanted to stay not just with her as a partner on the job but also as her partner outside of the job. 

By the end he was borderline pleading his love to her without actually stating it. He knew she was with Barba and knew they had a son. However, he also knew they were not married and she did not have a ring on her finger and until that time he would keep pleading to her. 

Olivia looked at him with tears of not just sadness but also anger in her eyes. 

“Elliott I don’t know what to say and I don’t even know where to begin. You left. You didn’t call, you didn’t write, hell you didn’t even send an anonymous postcard!” Olivia stated as her anger boiled over while he heart broke a bit. 

“Elliot I am taken. My heart is not your to have. I have moved on and I suggest you do the same.” Olivia stated as she stood to leave. 

When she turned toward the door she and saw Barba outside of her office. His eyes the darkest green she had ever seen. 

They were not the lust filled green eyes she had seen so many times before. 

They were not the love hazed green she had come to love. 

They were not the bright emeralds she adored. 

No. 

They were the forest green eyes of anger, resentment, and defeat. 

“Raf..”

Elliot stood when he heard her call Barba’s name. His bright, hopeful blue eyes met the dark, anger filled eyes of Barba. Both men eyed each other and the heat between the two was fire. Raw, emotional heat of anger went between them.

Olivia could feel the tension between the two as could the entire squad still seated at their desks. Without word the three others quietly moved to give everyone space but kept a short distance in case they needed to separate the two.

As Olivia went to Barba he held his hand up to stop her. 

“No. You decided to go undercover without even talking to me? I’m not just the ADA I’m your boyfriend Olivia.” He said as he looked at her with hurt and anger in his eyes. 

“To top it all off you are going to be a “couple” with him for a week while I what? Play house with Noah without you?” He spat and she was shocked that he would even bring Noah into the conversation. 

“I guess I am only here when you want me to be or when you are trying to .. I’m not a game Olivia. This is not a game Olivia. I thought I made that clear.” 

With a tear in his eye and enough anger in his body to scare him he turned and left leaving Olivia there with Elliott standing behind her in her office. 


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21:**

Elliot sat next to Olivia on a park bench waiting for their target to show for a scheduled meeting within the next hour. 

To anyone who didn’t know any better they would be a loving couple deep in conversation. Olivia’s head was resting on Elliot's shoulder while he had his arm around her and placed random, soft kisses on her head. 

Elliot knew he shouldn’t be too happy with their situation and he knew she was taken but he loved the feeling of having Olivia in his arms. In this moment there was no Barba, no Noah, no one but the two of them. As he thought about their predicament he tightened his hold as they continued their current conversation. 

“Elliot I am glad you are back. I really am but you are really testing my life right now.” 

“What are you talking about Liv?” He stated as he looked down at her face with a questioning look even though he knew what she was talking about. 

“El..” she started as she sat up and looked at him. 

“I am taken El. I have an amazing man and an even more amazing little boy.” 

She looked at him and smiled as she thought about what her boys were doing at home without her. She knew Noah was excited when she told him he would be with his “‘Afi” for the week when her and Elliot had to go undercover. 

“But you coming back.. like you did.. it makes me question a lot of things. It makes me wonder “what if” and makes me think about how things could have ended up or where we would be now.” 

As they talked they continued to play their part of being a loving and doting couple to not arouse any suspicion to those who might be watching. Elliot took her hand and kissed the top of it as the two continued their conversation. 

“Liv. I cant speak to the unknowns and it does hurt that i am back too late but i promise you i never meant to hurt you and I never meant ..” he trailed off not wanting to finish his sentence.

“Never meant what?” 

“I never meant to fall in love with you Olivia.” He stated as her breath caught in her chest. 

“Elliot.. I can’t. I have Raf -” 

“- By the look of the other day and his statements at the precinct the other night are you sure he is really the guy for you?” He stated cutting her off.

“Elliot Stabler you have no right. Rafael is an amazing man who not only is an amazing father to Noah but he also cares for me and truly understands the work we do daily. Yes he and I may not see eye to eye at the moment but that does not change the fact he is caring for …”

She stopped herself before she became too upset and said things she didn’t yet feel comfortable telling him. She had yet to tell him that Noah was not Barba’s biological son and didn’t know if she really wanted him to know or not. 

In the end she needing him to understand it would not work between them and that he did need to move on from her. 

“The fact is Rafael Barba came into my life and not only broke my walls down and showed me how to love again he also…”

She took a breath before saying anymore and he looked at her and smiled. Urging her to continue but not knowing if he wanted to actually hear the words she was going to say. He pulled her closer to him as a quiet moment fell between them only for her to continue just a moment later. 

“He also allowed a single mom and a little boy to wiggle their way into his heart and he has been nothing but an amazing father to a son who isn’t even his and continues to show me the color and light in this world.” Olivia stated to him as a tear ran down her face as she talked. 

As she finished Elliot didn’t know if his heart was breaking or if she had just put a knife in his chest. 

He had no idea that she was a single mother and that Noah was not Barba’s and felt betrayed that no one had let him in on the “secret” before now. He felt the anger grow within him as he realized everyone had let him believe a lie for so long. 

He saw their target approach from across the park and nudged her before both went right back to their make believe world. 

“Show time.” 

Elliot rose to meet the man as he got closer. They had decided he would take point on the contacts as they did not know how much she would be trusted due to her being a woman. Olivia hated not being in charge and he knew it but he was taking pleasure in being in control of something for once in a long time. 

As they all spoke and they were directed back the way the man came. Elliot took her hand and led her to where they were going. 

When they reached their destination he was surprised to see another couple there waiting to meet with them. 

“Good afternoon. I am Scott and this is my wife Rosie.” 

“Go ahead Rosie. You can talk.” Scott stated as Eliot eyed him and felt Olivia tense beside him. 

“It’s nice to meet you.” She stated as she kept her eyes down. 

“My partner here says you two are wanting to go into a mutual business venture?” Scott started. 

“Tell me.. why should I entertain you on this?” He stated as he looked at both of them with a clouded look. 

Something in Elliot’s gut told him to be cautious. He didn’t know what exactly it was or why but something did not feel right and he couldn’t shake it. 

“After hearing about your work we wanted to help with the distribution and delivery of the products. My wife here believes she can find good employment opportunities for the… merchandise… and can help them be more like Rosie here.” Eliot stated not wanting to overdue his statements and give them away. 

He and Olivia knew Scott did not look at the women he was holding, trading, and selling as anything other than merchandise being shipped to the highest dollar. 

The plan was to get enough information into order to allow the FBI to put all parties away for life and he didn’t want to ruin that. 

He felt Olivia squeeze his hand and realized he had tensed up unknowingly when thinking about what Scott and the others have done and continue to do with the girls. 

“Well you see that causes an issue for me.” Scott stated bluntly. 

“Too many people already know about me and it’s peculiar. Just yesterday I had a very similar conversation with another couple who remind me a lot of you two.” Scott stated and Eliot’s gut knotted. 

He felt and could sense Olivia get tense and her emotions heighten next to him. They had not had any contact with Carisi or Rollins since they rated ways at the precinct almost 3 days prior. 

They were getting their orders from the FBI directly while Carisi and Rollins were being led by Fin back at the precinct. The FBI would not allow Fin to handle both sets in case something was compromised. 

“Now having one or two people asking about my business is one thing. However, having 4 within 24 hours? Now that is something entirely.” Scott stated as he looked at Olivia and Elliot with a cold, icy stare. 

It was at this moment Olivia and Elliot knew they were compromised and that something was wrong. 

Before Elliot could say or do anything he watched as Scott raised a pistol to the both of them and fired. 


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22:**

“Where is she?! Olivia! Let me see her!” 

He ran into the waiting room meeting Cragen and Fin like a brick wall. Both men grabbed him and stopped him before he could break through the doors.

“Counselor.” 

Fin was trying to calm him down but knew Barba’s pain and knew the three of them were thinking the same thing. 

“No! Let me go! I need to see her!” Barba screamed, half in spanish, as he tried to wrangle free of Fin’s grasp. 

“Look we haven’t heard anything yet. All we know is her and Stabler came in together. We don’t even know who is hurt yet.” 

“Let me go Detective!” Barba grunted with pure hatred mixed with worry coming from his lips. 

He tried to pull free again but Fin held him tighter. With Cragen standing by just in case he needed to grab him again as well. 

Barba looked at Fin and stated, through gritted teeth, eyes swollen, and with fire in his breath, “Estás jugando con el chico equivocado.” 

“Barba we don’t know anything. For all we know it’s Elliot back there and she just rode the bus in with him.” 

Barba’s eyes pierced him. Rafael knew. He didn’t need anyone to tell him or to confirm the news. He knew, in his heart and gut, that it was Olivia hurt and not Elliot. He would bet money on the exact time it happened as well. 

He had been reading to Noah before dinner when his heart felt like it had shattered, like it had been taken out and ripped apart. He knew before his phone even rang that something had happened. When Fin had called him he could only say one word, “Where,” before calling his mother to sit with Noah. 

Cragen walked closer to the two men and placed a shoulder on Fin to signal he would be okay with the younger man. 

“Barba.. you’ve got to calm down. You can’t see her like this.” Cragen stated as he looked at the red eyed lawyer in front of him. 

“Come. Sit.” 

“Captain.” 

“Don. Please. I haven’t been ‘Captain’ in years.” Cragen stated as he offered a warm smile to the emotional District Attorney in front of him. 

“You love her don’t you?” Cragen asked looking at Barba with a fatherly look. 

Rafael had his head in his hands, fingers gripping his hair. The usually put together ADA was falling apart in front of his eyes. He felt for the man and knew without any words the answer to his question. He knew Rafael was in love and from what Fin and Munch had told him he also knew she felt the same. In all his years of knowing Olivia he had never known her to have a love like this. 

What he was seeing from the man sitting beside him was not that of Elliot or anyone else. It was that of Rafael Barba. It was an entirely different love. One where both parties were equals. He knew without any words being spoken this would be the man she would marry and raise a family with. 

“Have you asked her?” 

Barba looked up at the older man and gave a small smile with tears in his eyes. 

“It’s not that simple, Don.” 

Barba said quietly as he looked down at his folded hands. He leaned forward, putting his head in his hands while leaning on his knees. He spoke a prayer in every language he knew for her to be okay, for her to live and make it through. 

He prayed for him to take her spot and for him to be the one with the bullet. He prayed for her pain to be taken and if that meant he would leave this world and never see her or Noah again so be it. He would take her place, no questions asked. 

“I have known Olivia for almost 20 years and I have never seen her as happy, as loved, as I have when she is with you and with Noah.” Cragen stated as he heard Barba let out a quiet sob. 

“I can’t lose her Don. She is the light and color in my world. Without her everything is dark. Everything is grey. I need her… Noah needs her.” 

Rafael let out the breath he was holding and allowed the tears to continue down his face. Cragen knew there was nothing anyone could say or do until they knew more from the doctors. He too knew it was Olivia hurt and not Elliot, even if no one wanted to acknowledge it. 

Cragen patted Barba’s shoulder in a fatherly way and kept the others away while allowing both of them time to collect their thoughts and emotions. Cragen knew Barba was thinking the worst and he did not blame the man due to the misfortunes over the last few years with the unit. 

As Cragen sat there with Barba he heard the doors open to show Elliot walking into the waiting room towards the group as he did Cragen felt the heat radiating off Barba like a torch as his worst fears were realized in full scale. 

Cragen and Fin shared a look between them but before either man could say, or do, anything Barba was barreling towards Elliot with closed fists ready for a fight with the larger man. 

“You son-of-a-bitch!” Barba yelled as he made his way towards Elliot. 

“You just had to pull her in on an undercover didn’t you? Just had to get her alone with you. To what? Try to win her heart? You had your chance! Hell you had 12 years of chances! You brought her into this, you didn’t have her back, you didn’t protect her!” Barba spat as both he and Elliot locked eyes and stood their grounds. 

Cragen and Fin standing behind each of them shocked at Barba’s words and not knowing what would come next. 

“I did not make her do anything Counselor. She made the decision to go undercover by herself. I don’t know if you know this or not but it is quite hard to make Olivia do anything. She is a strong woman and makes her own decisions.” Elliot said back through gritted teeth. 

Elliot’s eyes, as hot as blue flames, met the dark, anger filled, emerald eyes of Rafael. Both men stared at each other in a battle of wills and both wanting to throw the first and last punch.

“I. Know. Olivia.” Barba spat back. 

“If it's anything to you Counselor I did have her back and I did protect her! She’s my partner. I trusted her intuition and her judgement. I trust her with my life. Maybe you should do the same.” Elliot seethed as his face came a meer inch from Rafael’s. 

As Barba went ro raise a fist at the him Cragen and Fin stepped in between the two. Stopping Rafael from doing anything that would make the situation worse. Although Fin would have let him get a few hits in before pulling him off the detective. 

“Family of Olivia Benson?” The doctor asked as he walked in the waiting room and noticed the heated energy between everyone. 

“That would be all of us Doc.” Cragen replied as the doctor and him shared a look. 

“Okay.. I am Dr. Reynolds. Ms. Benson’s condition is not good. She has stabilized but she is not out of the woods yet. We were able to get the bullet and it’s fragments out with relatively little additional damage. But she did have some serious internal injuries.”

“What does that mean? Is she. Going to be okay?” Elliot asked before anyone else could and Barba side-eye glared at him as he did, still seething and glad Fin and Cragen were between the two. 

“Honestly? We don’t know. She is still unconscious at the moment so we won’t know most of her damages until she is awake. The bullet tore threw her left lung and she did break 2 ribs as the bullet hit her. She seems to have a nasty concussion from the fall.” 

As he continued to talk Barba felt his world was ending and after a few minutes asked the doctor, “What is her prognosis doc?” 

“Best case? She wakes up within the next few hours and has no brain damage from the fall and her body continues to heal quickly.” 

“Worst case?” Elliot asked. 

Dr. Reynolds looked at Elliot and at the group with the answer in his eyes. Barba saw the look and already knew what it meant. He felt his heart break a second time as his eyes filled with tears. 

“Let’s focus on the good. Okay? Ms. Benson, Olivia, is a very health and active woman and that is working in her benefit. For now we wait and monitor her through the night. I can’t allow all of you back there but I might be able to let one of you stay with her tonight.” 

Barba looked at Cragen and Fin who both nodded before stating, “I’ll be with her. She’s my girlfriend.” 

He did not care that Elliot had already taken a few steps towards the doctor to go with him. He didn’t care that Elliot felt that it was his place beside Olivia. Hell, he didn’t even care if he never saw the man. 

What he did care about was the woman down the hall who needed him. He cared about the toddler at home with his abuela who needed his mother. He cared about the life they had yet to spend together, the children they had yet to have, and the question he had yet to ask. 

Dr. Reynolds parted with Barba towards Olivia’s room. As the two men walked Dr. Reynolds discussed with Barba how Olivia would look and that she would be asleep still but he hoped she would wake within the next hour or two. 

He encouraged Barba to talk with her and to sit and stay as long as he liked. As they approached the room Dr. Reynolds took his leave and allowed Barba to be alone with Olivia for the first time in over a week. 

When he walked into the room he lost his breath and his heart stopped. Olivia was still asleep and was covered in wires and IVs. He wished he could take her place and that he was the one in the bed and she was fine. 

As he sat next to her in the extra seat he looked at her. He looked at the beauty that radiated from her even when she was asleep. 

“Mi amor.” 

He took Olivia’s hand in his and prayed once again. He spent the next three hours with her never changing positions. The nurses and doctors had came and went but he remained at her side. 

“Olivia, mi amor, please wake up. Noah and I need you.” He stated and as the tears started again he lifted his head and prayed. 

Barba prayed for life, for love, for a new beginning. He prayed for Olivia, for Noah. He prayed more than he had since he was a small boy asking God to help him with his father. 

As the hours passed his heart continued to break little by little with every visit by the doctor and no changes seen. 

He promised himself if she woke he would not lose her again. 

He would ask her something that he was terrified of asking and if you had told him a year ago what he was thinking at this moment he would have laughed. 

As he continued to hold her hand he started to softly sing switching from English to Spanish and back again. 

As he started on the second verse of her favorite song he felt it. The slight tug of a finger. 

His eyes, red and swollen, bulged at he looked up into the dark brown eyes of Olivia and his heart stopped and his breathing rattled. 

“Raf..” 

“I am here mi amor. I am not going anywhere. Not now. Not ever.” Barba said as he hit the call button on the bed and leaned up to kiss her forehead. 

  
  



	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23:**

“Olivia, you have quite the crowd here today.” 

“Hey Cap. You didn’t have to drive all the way out here.” 

She opened her eyes to look up at him from her hospital bed. She could see the weariness on his face and knew he was worried about her, just as everyone else was. 

“I don’t have to do anything. I chose to be here Olivia. I was worried about you.” 

He took a seat by her bead and patted her hand as he sat. They had an unspoken father-daughter bond and both knew how the other thought of them. It had been that way from day one and even though she often tried to push him away he never let her. 

“You gave us quite a fright today. What happened?” 

“Honestly?” She asked and he nodded back. 

“I don’t even know Don. One minute Elliot and I were working the case and had everything going well then the next thing I know we were fighting for our lives. It was like they knew we were cops and knew what we were doing from the beginning.” 

“What makes you think that?” 

“Gut feeling. Something was off from the moment we were all there talking together. They knew about Carisi and Amanda and just how he was talking. I just knew.”

He let her explain every feeling, every emotion, and every moment of the day and allowed her to self process the incident. He knew if she didn’t process on her own she would internalize and never actually work through everything. He knew her too well. 

“Well you would be happy to know that both Carisi and Rollins are doing very well and were able to be extracted with relative ease.” 

She looked at him and he knew what she was feeling. He had been in her shoes more times than he wanted to count and knew what she was already internalizing and trying to process. It was the “what if’s” of the situation and needing to know that not just herself but her entire team was safe. 

“It looks like Scott was only able to get to you and Elliot before we pulled them. From what Finn was telling me the FBI had the same gut feeling as you and had him pull them prior to you guys meeting with Scott. The FBI has taken the case over fully so its out of NYPD’s hands now.” 

With a sigh of relief washing over her Olivia said a silent prayer to herself for allowing them all to get out of the situation alive and prayed the Scott and his minions would be taken down quickly and without anymore blood spilled. 

“Now… lets change this subject to something a little less morbid.” 

Cragen sat back and looked at Olivia. He always thought of her as family and now that he was no longer her superior he thought of her as a daughter and the mother of his grandson. He also expected there to be a new son-in-law in the future. 

If you had told him 10 years prior that she would have fallen in love and would have been happy with anyone other Elliot he would have argued. He always expected the two to end up together and when he found out he was back he half expected his original thoughts to come true. That was until he met and got to know Barba and saw the love between his daughter and the attorney. 

“You have your very own bunch of barbarians I see.” Cragen said to her with amusement in his voice and eyes. 

“Ha! You don’t even know the half of it Don!” Olivia chuckled. 

She laughed with him about the team and they held onto a few old stories of how he had his own barbarians at one time. They both smiled at each other as the nurse entered to check on how she was doing. It wasn’t long before she was on her way again and the conversation shifted. 

“Which ones in particular are you wanting to talk about though?” 

Cragen’s raised an eye at her question. He was surprised she didn’t automatically think he was talking about Elliot and his ways. 

“Come on Don, you wouldn’t say that without a reason. So was it Finn this time? Carisi try to be a lawyer again?” 

“Actually, I was referring to Elliot and Barba this time and how Finn and I had to separate them before we had three of you staying in the hospital tonight.” 

“Wait, what?! They got into a fight? For what?!” Olivia stated and Don just gave her a look that answered the question for her.

“What happened this time?” 

She groaned as she let her head lay back against the pillows and he shifted in the chair. He had a feeling he would be there for longer than expected with how she had asked the question. 

Cragen replayed the story back to her. He left out Barba’s break down and the exact words that the two said to each other as he did not think she really needed that information on top of everything else. As he finished she sat there an closed her eyes and sighed. 

He could see every emotion on her face and knew she was internally suffering at the hands of both men. After a few silent moments Olivia slowly looked up at him. 

“I don’t know what to do about the two of them Don.” 

“What do you mean?” He asked wanting her to explain her internal thoughts to him. 

“I love Rafi. I really do Don but I don’t know if I can keep dealing with his jealousy. I have told him that there is nothing between Elliot and I and that there never was anything between the two of us but I don’t think he is understanding or getting it.” She stated as she laid her head back on the pillow and continued. 

“Then there is Elliot. He walks in, without any warning, and thinks things will be like they used to be and that he can just swing in and have my heart. I have tried to tell him it will never happen but he still isn’t getting it either. Don’t get me wrong, I will always love Elliot but that time of my life is gone and he is just a friend now. I am not the same person I was then and he does not get it.”

Olivia stated as she shook her head at the thought of the two men and the antics she had been dealing with since Elliot showed up. She knew sooner or later everything would boil over and Rafael’s Cuban temper and Elliot’s macho man anger would erupt in her face. 

“Initially, I let the looks and the remarks pass but I can’t anymore. I am so over the high school boy drama. I swear Don, everyone says girls have more drama but those two? They have enough drama and egos for an entire girls cheer squad!” 

They shared a chuckle as he reached to hold her hand once again. 

“Olivia I can’t tell you what to do but I will say this - follow your heart.” 

“Easier said than done, Don. I love Rafi but I don’t know if I can continue to deal with him and Elliot trying to kill each other and his jealousy for everything regarding Elliot.” 

“I am not saying I am in either ones corner but put yourself in both of their shoes. Barba FINALLY has the nerve to tell you how he feels and your partner of 12 years, who you were in love with, shows up and then you both go undercover for a week pretending to be a married couple..”

He held up a hand to stop her when she tried to interject and she laid back and let him finish. She knew what he was going to say and had often thought the same thing since Elliot showed up. 

“..Whereas, Elliot was whisked away unexpectedly when he was at the point in his life where he was finally doing what was best for him and not everyone around him and then lost years of his life and is desperately trying to reclaim what he can of his old life, of himself.” 

They sat in silence for a few moments and he allowed her to think about his words. After a few moments of watching her wheels spin and her mind work he decided to probe further. To make her realize what he already knew. 

“Try something for a minute, Liv” Don stated as she looked at him questionly. 

“Just trust me. I want to you answer the questions with the first person that comes to mind, okay?” He asked and she nodded back. 

“Who do you want to play a game of chess with?” 

“Elliot. Rafi would analyze it way too much!” She stated as she laughed remembering the last time he tried to get her play him in his office. The memory made her blush and smile. 

“Who do you want with you in the field?” 

“Elliot.” 

“Who do you want to push Noah on the swings?” 

“Rafi.” 

“Who do you want there at 2am when you call?” 

“Rafi.” 

“Who do you want to talk to when things get rough?” 

“Both.” 

“Who do you want there with you when you are teaching your grandchildren how to harass their own parents?” 

She paused and looked at him with the surprise of his question. He knew he had caught her off guard and knew the answer before she said it. He knew where her heart was at and he knew which man was not only the one who held her heart but also that of Noah. He watched her as the realization washed over her and she no longer held onto the “what if” of the past. 

“Rafi.”

They both sat in silence letting their own memories and thoughts hold them for a few minutes. 

“Barba is a good man, Olivia. His love for you is obvious and he would have taken on the whole hospital earlier threatening everyone with lawsuits and whatever charges he could think of if they hadn’t updated us. He truly loves you, Olivia, and Noah too. That is obvious. You just have to talk to him about everything else.” 

They both squeezed each others hand they were holding. As they both sat there in the quiet allowing both to take a minute to themselves. 

He was thinking of how proud of her he was and what he would say to Barba when everything was said and done. 

She was thinking of her own future and questions and statements she needed to address. As they sat thinking the quiet of the night was broken a small knock came from the door. 

“Hey, I have something I thought would make you feel better.” Rafael said softly. 

He fully entered the door frame holding a squirmy toddler wanting to see his momma. As he and Noah entered the room Don made his exit with a nod and a smile to Olivia as she did the same back thinking of their conversation. 

It was in that moment she knew she loved him more than anything in this life. Elliot had never really asked about Noah and she doubted he even thought of Noah the entire day. However, Rafael had not only thought about her and her well-being but also thought about the toddler. He had made sure to not only take care of her but also the little boy, even if it meant he would not sleep. 

  
  



	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24:**

Rafael knew he couldn’t stay at the hospital forever and as much as he hated it he allowed Cragen to sit with Olivia for a while so he could get a shower and a change of clothes. 

The drive home turned into him driving to Olivia’s apartment and not his without him even realizing it until he was was putting his key in the door. As he walked into the quiet apartment he heard a soft voice behind him. 

“Mr. Barba? Is Liv okay?” 

“Hey Lucy. She is going to be okay. Did I wake you?” 

“No. I was still awake.” 

She stretched as she sat up on the couch as he made his way into the living room after dropping his keys and wallet on the counter. He could tell he had in fact woke her as he could see the sleep in her eyes. The two shared a smile as he went to turn towards Olivia’s bedroom. 

“Noah is having a hard time tonight. He has been up a few times and keeps going to her room to find her.” 

He stopped and turned towards her and saw the same look he had held all night. He moved to pull her into a tight hug and both shared a sigh before she spoke again. 

“He usually doesn’t do this when she works late or all night and I am here. It’s like he knows something is up with her, like something is wrong.” Lucy said as a tear slipped down her cheek. 

“Hey.. She is a fighter. We both know that. She may need a little extra help once she is released but we can both tag team it. I don’t want to overwhelm you.” 

Just as Rafael went to go towards the bedroom Noah let out a cry from his room. Lucy started to get off the couch for yet another time but he stopped her. 

“No. I’ll get him. Try to get some rest.” 

Lucy laid back down and pulled the blanket back up. As he walked away he barely heard her say “Thank you” before she was fast asleep once again. 

“Mommmmaaaaa!” 

“Calmate a mi hijo.” 

He picked Noah up from the crib. Barba stood there for a few minutes rocking him back and forth trying to calm down the upset toddler. 

“Why don’t we get you cleaned up and get some water?” Barba asked and was only met by a hiccup from the sleepy boy. 

As he made his way to the changing table in the room he was a bit nervous. Olivia would normally handle this part of Noah’s routine but he had seen it a few times to know the jist of it. She had started to potty train him but he hadn’t quite get the hang of it yet. 

Noah was more or less calm when he went to put him down but once he was fully out of Barba’s arms the tears started back again. 

“Hey buddy.. shhh.. I’ve got you. We just need to get you clean and then you will start feeling better.” Barba said to no avail.

Noah reached out to grab his tie from around his neck. Barba had completely forgotten to take it off earlier and had forgotten he was even wearing it until Noah’s little hand grabbed the end of it and calmed down a little. 

Without alarming him, Barba was able to untie it from his neck and let it fall into Noah’s arms fully. Noah quickly pulled it up to his face with one hand to rubbed his cheek on it while continuing to play with the other end with his other hand. 

Barba took this as a perfect opportunity to change his diaper and put him in a clean outfit since he had messed up his pajamas. Barba said a silent “thank you” to Lucy for putting the laundry by the changing table so it was still in his reach while he was with Noah at the table.

He quickly changed him into clean pajamas and picked up the little boy, allowing the tie to remain on the changing table. As he walked into the living room he saw Lucy fast asleep and moved towards Olivia’s room to change with Noah still in his arms with a head on his shoulder. 

“Why don’t we get me cleaned up and we can go see momma? Would you like that Noah?” 

“Momma?” 

“Yes Noah. We will go see momma. But first I need to change too.” 

He walked into Olivia’s room hoping that Lucy grabbed the hamper from it as well since his jeans were in it. As he turned on the light he was thankful that his thoughts were indeed right and are a mental note to pay Lucy more and give her a bonus. 

“Okay buddy.. I need to change but you are going to sit here -“ He stated as he sat Noah on the bed with a few toys. “- and play with these while I change clothes real quick.” 

Noah didn’t seem to fazed about being put down this time since he had a toy. Barba was able to quickly change his pants and throw on one of the t-shirts he had in the stack of clean laundry before sitting on the bed with shoes in his hands. 

As he finished pulling on his shoes and grabbed Noah’s jacket from the chair he realized just how much his life had changed in a since that night he went out of his way to see her while she was at the office late. 

He smiled at the memory and thanked God for how his life had changed and how it had found meaning. 

“Okay mijo. Let’s go see mami.” He said as he picked up the little boy and hugged him tight. 

“K dada.” Noah said as he laid his head on Barba’s shoulder. 

Barba stopped mid-step at Noah’s words. The little boy had never called him anything other than “Raf” and neither him or Olivia had ever referred to him as “dad” to Noah. 

He was not upset at the change or at Noah’s words. Instead he felt a great pride wash over him and tightly held the little boy on his shoulder and whispered to him before placing a soft kiss on his curls. 

“Te amo hijo. Siempre.”

After leaving Lucy a quick text to let her know where they were in case she woke up while they were gone they were on their way to the hospital. 

“Okay Noah, Mami has a boo-boo so we have to be gentle with her. We can’t jump or run okay?” 

Barba said to the toddler not knowing if he could even understand what he was saying. As they entered the waiting room Barba saw that the squad was still there, including Elliot. 

“Why don’t you guys go home. She is doing better and I think everyone could use some sleep.” He said to the group as they all stood to say hi to him and Noah. 

Fin agreed with him and gave Noah a fist bump as he patted Barba’s shoulder and went to leave. One-by-one everyone did the same and Noah was loving all the attention he was getting. Rafael had to smirk at the toddler who only five minutes prior was dead to the world but now was enjoying all the attention.

Elliot was the last to walk up to them and Barba didn’t stop him. Although he did place a protective hand on Noah’s back and saw Fin hovering from the other side of the room. 

“Take care of her Barba.” 

Barba had a feeling Cragen or Fin spoke to him while he was back with Olivia but he wouldn’t ask. Both men shared a nod as Elliot’s attention turned to Noah. 

“And you little guy..You look like you can be a handful. Don’t give your mommy and daddy a hard time tonight.” Elliot said as he too fist bumped Noah causing the toddler to giggle. 

As they made it down the hall towards her room he could hear her and Cragen talking but couldn’t make out what they were saying. After a brief pause at the nurses station for an update and for the Noah to flirt with the nurses he went to open the door. 

“Hey, I have something I thought would make you feel better.” Barba said from the door. 

Noah started to wiggle in his arms at the sight of Olivia through the blinds. As he walked fully into the room Olivia’s eyes widened in surprise and he sat Noah on the bed with her. 

“Gentle buddy, okay?” He said to the toddler as Noah nodded back as he quickly made his way to his mom’s arms. 

“Hey there my sweet boy! What are you doing here?” 

“Dada car!” Noah replied as he snuggled deeper into her arms. 

Olivia gave Barba a surprised look and he just gave her his signature smirk. As she held Noah tight to her Barba and Cragen shook hands and Cragen made his way to leave. 

“Barba. Take care of them. They need you more than they know. Don’t back down. Trust her and in her decisions.” 

Barba gave him a confusing look but Cragen left without saying anything other than a soft smile.

  
  



	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25** :

“Thank you Raf.” Olivia whispered a few hours later to a sleeping Rafael. 

He and Noah were curled up in the lounge chair together snoring in unison. Olivia watched them both for a while and thought back to the first few times Noah and Rafael met and spent time together. 

She smiled as she thought about the boys, her boys, making pasta together and the mess that ensued. She smiled as she remembered Noah placing a very messy handprint on Rafael’s chest and the horrified look on his face as Noah gleamed at his actions. 

She had a tear roll down her cheek when she thought back to the first time Noah went to him first instead of her. He had joined then at her apartment to prepare for court. He had arrived right after bathtime and Noah insisted on his “‘Afi” reading his bedtime story to him. 

She chuckled at the memories of Noah and Barba invertedly matching on the days he would dress Noah for her and how quite a few pair of Noah’s pants now had holes in the waist for suspenders. 

She chuckled as she remembered the first time she had caught on to what was happening. She had walked into her bedroom as Rafael was getting dressed only to see him holding Noah as they picked out matching suspenders from the collection he had kept at her place. She even remembered trying to figure out when he had bought Noah suspenders and figured it was during one of their many “boy days.” 

She sighed as she remembered standing outside of Noah’s bedroom as she watched Rafael softly sing Noah lullabies and his favorite Broadway songs both in English and Spanish. Noah had even started to sing along to many of them with him and was picking up more and more spanish the more Rafael spoke to him. 

She watched them sleep a bit longer and rolled her eyes as both of her boys moved in their sleep in unison which had them both on their backs with an arm above their head and mouth wide open. Both snoring in unison. As Noah shifted again a few minutes later she saw Rafael’s eyes flutter open as he readjusted as well. 

“Hey.” He croaked as he moved to take a sip of water.

“Hey.” 

He maneuvered himself to allow Noah the entire loveseat and stood groaning. 

“Remind me to remind you in 50 years to not allow me to have a lounge chair. My back is killing me.” He groaned through his stretches. 

“Ha! You're getting old, old man.” She chuckled back. 

He shot her a warning look as he walked back over and sat down on the bed facing her. 

“Let me remind you just how old I am.” He said. 

He leaned in closely to kiss her softly only to pull away a moment later when she moaned.

“You are a mean one Counselor.” 

“So I’ve been told Lieutenant.” 

He looked at her with a twinkle in his eye and a smirk on his face but his face quickly fell when he was met with the sad eyes of hers. 

“Barb.. we need to talk.” 

“Olivia, what’s wrong?” 

“Barb. I love you. You know that right?” She asked. 

She pulled her hand away from his and he felt her walls close in around her heart. He felt his own crumble as his eyes met hers. When she gave him a soft, sorry smile he to stood up to put space between him and her. He did not know if he wanted to hear what she would say next. 

“What are you trying to say Olivia?” He stated quietly trying not to let his emotions overwhelm him. 

“I just..”

She smiled at him with tears in her eyes and he nodded as he took a deep breath. He knew this was it. This would be the day his heart broke forever. With his eyes focused on the ceiling as he attempted to not let the tears sting his eyes he quietly spoke. 

“What do you want Olivia? From me? For us?” 

“Raf.. come.. sit down.” 

He walked over towards the bed but did not sit and stayed just out of her reach. 

“I love you Rafael Tomas Barba. You are an amazing friend, man, lover, and father.”

He looked at Noah with a soft smile while keeping his tears at bay. He loved the little boy more than he knew was possible and did not want to be the reason for his sadness if this was the end. 

“You have shown me what love can really be while also showing me just how hard love it. But I can’t continue this.. I can’t keep doing this.” She said as tears hit both their eyes. 

She watched as his tears started down his cheeks and held hers in for fear she would not be able to speak if she didn’t. She kept a tight smile while looking at him while he kept his eyes on Noah while tears streamed his face and his breath shortened.

“Rafael, look at me.”

He turned his head to meet her wet eyes with his deep, red, raw emerald ones. The man in front of her was broken and as much and he wanted to be there with her, with Noah, he also wanted to run. To hide away and never see the light of day again.

“What do you want from me Olivia? What do you want me to say?” 

He stopped himself from letting anymore tears fall. He did not want to give her that power as his heart continued to break. 

”Rafael I need you to understand. I need you to understand that I do not want to break this off and I do not want to break your heart but I need you to understand that your jealousy and your ego is tearing me apart. It’s tearing us apart.” 

He started to cry harder and his face became tight and she watched as he attempted to control his breathing while the tears continued to fall. His fists gripped the back of the loveseat Noah was sound asleep within. He watched the little boys breaths and tried to mimic them himself in order to keep himself under control. 

“Rafi.. I want you, no, I need you to realize that in order for us to continue, for us to work you have to trust me. Just as I trust you. You need to realize that I am yours and that you do have a heart and soul someone can love indefinitely.” 

When she spoke he finally looked back up at her and for a moment he saw love and admiration within her eyes. He wanted to take her pain away and wanted to to be the man she deserved for the rest of his life. 

“Raf. I don’t want to lose you but your pushing me away. Don’t push me away.” 

He quickly made his way to her and kissed her full of every emotion and every ounce of love he had. He needed her to understand that he wanted nothing more than to be hers and that he wanted to fix what he had broken and fix the issues he had created. 

“Don’t let me lose you. Olivia, save me.” He choked out as he started to cry harder while he took her in his arms. 

“Olivia don’t let me do this to us. Tell me how to fix this.” He cried as they held each other. 

“I love you Olivia. I want, no, I need to see the colors again. Help me see the colors again.” 

They both locked eyes on each other again seeing each other in a new light as their revelations hit home fully. 

“Olivia, I want you, need you, to save me. Not just tonight but tomorrow, next week, next year, next century. You are my light in the darkness and Noah is my path towards my future. Both of you are guiding me to be a better friend, a better lover, a better man, and a better father.” He started as he took her hand in his. 

“Liv I never once believed I would be in a relationship like this and I never once believed I would be with a woman who would test me and keep me on my toes as you do. Furthermore, I never once thought I would be a father. I grew up in a home where the only father I had was a fist or a yell. Liv, you and Noah taught me how to live and how to see the light in this world.” 

Through tears he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pouch and Liv’s hands went to her mouth as she watched him. He hadn’t planned on doing this in this way but now that he was there he knew there was no better time than that moment to ask. 

“Olivia, I love you. I never want to lose you and I never want to disappoint you and Noah ever again. I want to spend the rest of my life showing you just how I will do this and show you just how amazing you are. When we started down this journey I asked you to let me show you just how amazing you are and for you to let me show you just how amazing you are. Now I am asking for your hand, your heart, your forever.” 

He held his grandmother’s ring in his fingers while looking at her with tears in his eyes. 

“Let me show you for not and forever just how much I love you and just how much I love Noah. Marry me, Olivia. Be my light and color forever.”

  
  



	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26:**

As the weeks after Olivia’s release from the hospital passed, new changes emerged for her, Barba, and their relationship as a whole. 

Olivia and Rafael spent the first day of her being home to discuss their relationship and what it meant to the both of them. Both of them listened and thought before they reacted to the others frustrations, concerns, or jokes. 

Rafael allowed her to voice her frustrations about his jealousy and barbarism towards her and Elliot. Whereas, Olivia allowed him to voice his concerns about Elliot while also explaining that he didn’t truly know how to work through his insecurities of not being a good enough man or lover to her and not being a good father for Noah. 

Their conversation led them to their own futures together and where they go from there since Olivia agreed to marry him. 

“Mi amor. I don’t want to rush you and I don’t want to pressure you. We can have whatever wedding or celebration you wish. I’m just honored you still want me after my antics these past few months.” 

“Raf.. I don’t want a long engagement. I could care less about the white wedding. Anyway, I doubt I could even wear white in a church anyway.” 

Both of them shared a knowing smile and a blush crept over her face as he looked at her through hungry eyes before winking at her. 

“Well what do you want?” He asked as he played with her fingers in his hand as they rested on the back of the couch. 

“Honestly? Can we do a small ceremony and then a dinner with everyone? I don’t want to have a huge wedding where I don’t know half of the attendees and I doubt your mother will even let us get away with not having any type of ceremony anyway.” 

Her comments made him groan and roll his eyes making them both laugh at the idea of Lucia not having a ceremony for her one and only son. 

They stayed silent for a few minutes just enjoying the company of each other while Noah played with his blocks. Rafael watched her eyes smile when Noah would build a tower and look back for approval. Olivia watched his eyes smirk with pride when Noah then proceeded to destroy the tower with Pip while narrating the adventure in Spanish. 

“When do you want to get married?” 

“I’m not picky. Do you have any ideas?” 

Rafael looked at her cautiously as he thought of the right words to use before finally speaking up about something that had been on his mind since he asked her. 

“The DA’s office has their yearly week vacation during the Judges conference. I have a guaranteed vacation. It’s.. it’s at the end of next month. I know that is close and I don’t know how you feel about it but I thought it would work perfectly for us.” He said as he waited for her to respond. 

She knew she didn’t want a long engagement and as she thought of their lives and where they were at she knew in her heart that she wanted to marry Rafael and would do it that day if he asked. 

“I think.. I think your mom has some planning to do don’t you?” 

“So.. next month?” 

“Next month.” 

He took her face in his hands and kissed her with every ounce of passion he could show while Noah was still awake. Both of them lost in their own worlds until yet another crash of blocks swept through the living room. 

They remained on the couch a while longer discussing what they wanted for their wedding day and he made mental notes to keep his mother on a tight leash during the planning and execution. 

It was decided they would use the park for a small ceremony and then would go to to Alfred’s for the dinner and reception afterwards as they both knew Alfred would be more than happy to have everyone there. 

It was this time he also discussed with her his full financials and how he planned not just for his future but also his mother’s. He explained that any money he had, which was quite a bit, was hers too and he didn’t want to hide his wealth and how he was able to invest and save his money. 

He explained the various projects he is a part of and she was surprised to learn he often went back to his old neighborhood and checked in on the older residents. She was surprised he still kept in contact with some teachers at his old schools and would often make anonymous donations for students to have a years worth of lunch or even all fees for graduation paid. The more she learned about this side of him the more she fell in love with him. 

They discussed where they would live and raise Noah and decided to look at places together but also keeping the option to move everything to his place since it was larger than hers. Neither cared one way or the other but Rafael wanted to give her the opportunity to explore options without having to necessarily worry too much about the costs. Olivia on the other hand could care less about his wealth or where the lived as long as they were together and Noah was safe. 

“Raf I do have a serious question and I want you to be honest with me okay?” She asked timidly and he looked at her with concern. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“First I want to let you know how grateful I am that you and Noah bonded so well and that you treat him and call him your son. I never thought I would ever find someone that would love me and Noah like you do. However..” She started as she dropped her head to look at her hands before looking back at him. 

“I want Noah to have the chance to be a big brother, to learn to share with a sibling, and to love and show kindness to everyone including a sister or brother.” 

“Liv..” Rafael started as he pulled her head up to meet his eyes. 

“I love Noah and I love you. I never imagined this would be my life and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I don’t know what the future has in store for us but I do know that if we are blessed with a child, adopted or biological, I would love both Noah and that child the same. No matter what Liv.” He said as he leaned in to kiss her tears off her cheeks. 

“Olivia if we are blessed to have a baby or adopt again I would be scared to death but I would also know that little baby, or child, would have so much love already and that you would be there with me for all of it.” 

He kissed her again before helping Noah get a block from under the couch before joining him on the floor to build more adventures. She watched him with love in her eyes and knew she had made the right decision when she let him into their heart. She smiled as Noah and him spoke in a mix of English and Spanish and laughed at just how much a kid the ruthless ADA was. 

“Raf?” 

“Hm?” He replied without looking at her as he helped Noah add another block. 

“I’m pregnant.”


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27:**

“You are what?” 

Rafael stopped everything he was doing and looked at Olivia with wide eyes. He didn’t know if he heard her right or if she was playing with him. When his wide eyes met her loving brown ones he knew he heard her right. 

“I’m pregnant Rafi.” 

“What? How? When?” 

“Raf if i need to tell you the “hows” then we have a bigger problem here.” 

She chuckled at the faces he was making and smiled at him as she went to place a hand lightly on her stomach. 

“How.. how do you know?” 

His eyes went to her hand resting on her stomach and he was at a loss for words. For the first time in his life he couldn’t think or even make words form in his head or mouth. He just looked at her in shock as he opened and closed his mouth a few times with nothing but air escaping. 

“I found out while I was in the hospital and did a follow up today with my doctor while you two went to the park. The doc says I’m 10 weeks and due at the end of the year.” 

He was in shock and didn’t know what to say but as he began to process everything a sly smile crept across his face as a tear fell down his cheek. 

“You mean.. I’m going to be a papi to a baby? Our baby? Not just Noah?” 

He rambled his words and moved his eyes to rest on her hand and stomach. He reached out gently and cautiously to rest his hand with hers. 

“Rafael you are going to be a daddy.” 

As the relization hit them both that there would soon be another child in the home, one that was made of both of them, they felt the tears fall. They both leaned forward into a kiss as their tears stained their joined lips. 

“Momma dada otay?” Noah whispered as he tugged Olivia’s shirt. 

“Yes baby. Your dada is okay.” 

She lifted Noah on to the couch between them. Rafael put his arms around the two of them and kissed Noah’s head as he looked at Olivia and gave her a smile with happy, tear filled eyes. 

“Mijo I am great.” 

The next few weeks of wedding planning and doctor appointments flew by. Everything was set up for a small ceremony at the park then a reception at Alfred’s. 

Neither Olivia nor Rafael has spilled the beans about their pregnancy yet as they wanted to wait until the wedding day to announce so they would be past the 1st trimester. The doctors had explained to the both of them the seriousness and risks of Olivia being pregnant and neither wanted to jinx anything or focus on the bad things. 

Olivia agreed to stay out of the field as much as possible and Rafael agreed to not visit the precinct everyday to check on her. Both of them decided together to wait and tell Noah until after they made their announcement as he was so young and had started to repeat everything he heard to anyone who would listen. 

“What do you want the baby to be?” 

“Liv I just want a healthy baby. I don’t care if it’s a he or a she.” 

“Seriously Rafi? You don’t care at all?” 

“No I don’t Olivia. But the better question is what do you want?” He retorted in his normal lawyer fashion. 

“I want another little boy. I don’t even know what I would do if we had a little girl. I am so used to boys and being outnumbered at home.” 

They both chuckled as Rafael laid his hand on her stomach for the drive back to her office from their “lunch date.” She loved these moments and loved how attached he had become to not only Noah but also their new little one. He would often rest his hand on her stomach when they were alone or when they were home at the end of the day.

“We do need to think of names though Raf. I don’t want to go this entire pregnancy calling he or she “baby” or random names.”

“What’s so funny?” She asked as she saw him smile and shake his head. 

“Well I was actually thinking the same thing last night and thought a few names I was going to run by you.” He said as he side eyed her cautiously while he drove. 

“And?” 

“Serena Amelia Barba. Lilian Maria Barba. Nicholas Raul Barba. Tomas Eduardo-“ 

“That’s it!” 

“What? What’s wrong?” He quickly asked a bit fearful. 

“Tomas Eduardo. It’s a boy I just know it and that one is perfect. I don’t know how I know I just do.” 

Rafael and Olivia decided not to plan any bachelor or bachelorette parties and instead planned a movie night at home with Noah for the night before the wedding. Noah was happy to spend time with both of them as both had the entire week off for the wedding. 

“Okay mijo what movie do you want to watch?” 

Rafael picked Noah up and tickled him as they walked into the living room of Rafael’s apartment. They had decided to relocate to his apartment instead of finding a new place as his had more than enough room and Olivia didn’t want to lose the great location. 

“Ferdinand!” He squealed as both boys made their way into the living room where Olivia was already waiting with pizza. 

“You help mommy with the pizza and I’ll start the movie okay?” 

“Okay dada” Noah replied as he wiggled from his arms and ran towards Olivia. 

Rafael stood at the entryway to the living room and watched Olivia and Noah together. She did not know he was there and it gave him an opportunity to marvel at her without any remarks. 

He truly loved her and Noah and was still in awe and shock they were going to have a baby, their baby. He grinned as he marveled at her beauty and how she radiated happiness into the whole room. He watched as she loved on Noah and how she was so attuned to his actions. 

He thought to the night he first made his move to show her just how much he cared for her and smiled at the memory. He loved Olivia and knew that no matter what he would be the best he could for her and their children. 

“ _ Olivia I promise I will be the man you deserve and be a father our children deserve.” _ He thought to himself. 

He smiled at her once she looked at him with a grin as she rubbed her stomach while Noah ate his pizza happily. 

As he made his way towards the two of them he said a silent prayer to not only God but also his abuelita to keep Olivia, Noah, and their unborn child safe and to grace them with blessings for their journeys ahead. 

  
  



	28. Epilogue

**Epilogue** :

Rafael held his son in his arms and watched him peacefully sleep in his cocoon of blanket. He could not believe how beautiful he was as he rubbed the top of the infant's head while he slept soundly in his arms. 

He knew he would always love Noah and the baby the same but he felt a sense of pride knowing this little 8 pound, 5 ounce baby boy was his own flesh and blood, his and Olivia’s. He was amazed how this little boy could be so innocent and be so beautiful. 

When he first saw the little one he fell in love immediately and was amazed just how much he already looked like Olivia with the exception of the eyes. The eyes were all Rafael and he was prideful of such. 

As he continued to hold him Rafael leaned back against the hospital loveseat and took in the sight in front of him. Olivia was sleeping soundly with Noah at her side after a grueling 36 hours of being in labor and he was holding their baby in his arms. 

He always knew she was beautiful and strong but watching her and being with her through every contraction, every moment of delivery, and the birth of their son he found her to be the most amazing, beautiful, and strongest women he would ever know in his life. He didn’t know if it was possible but he knew he loved her more in those moments than he ever had in his life. 

As he continued to watch the three of them sleep he thought about their journey and how they ended up where they were. 

He remembered walking into her office late that night on a whim just to check in with her and driving her home that night with her soft snores echoing in his car. 

He remembered their first park trip where he and Noah started to become buddies. Where they played on the swings and slides until Noah fell asleep as he carried him home.

He smiled at the memories of him and Noah making pasta for the first time and how Noah branded his chest with a tiny handprint. 

He chuckled with the thoughts of Olivia and Alfred’s many conversations about him which him sitting stuck in the middle between the two. They two had become thick as thieves since that first encounter and had since teamed up on Rafael quite a bit in order to get their way. 

He sighed and looked down at his son when remembering the time when he and Elliot were being “egotistical barbarians” as Olivia often put it and being grateful the two had made amends and moved on past their initial meeting. 

As he continued to hold his swaddled little one while watching Olivia and Noah sleep peacefully he felt his heart burst with love, wonder, and brilliance of just how they came to be and how she let him court her. 

He knew when he first called her beautiful and when he first had the idea to try to court her that it would not be easy but he was not prepared for just how relentless and aggravating she would be some days while others he was madly in love with her. 

From the arguments about cases that resolved behind their bedroom door to their banter in his office when she put him on the spot and put him in his place he loved it all. Being able to grow and build a future with her was something he would never take for granted, even if she made him want to pull his hair out sometimes. 

He brushed the hair out of Olivia’s face and pulled the blanket up on Noah as he stood to straighten his back while continuing to hold his newborn son. He looked down and kissed her forehead as she shifted closer to him with her hands still around Noah. 

He carried the newborn to the window and looked out to the city he had lived his entire life. At the place he had called home since the day he was born. A city where not only Noah but also the new little one would grow and build their foundations. 

As he looked out the window into the quiet New York night he thought back to their wedding day just a few short months earlier and the vows he made to her and their family. 

_ “Olivia, I promise you to always be faithful. To love you before anyone else. To hold you in times of comfort and sorrow. To be an loving and caring father to our children. To love and care for Noah just like he was my own flesh and blood. To protect, guide, and build our lives, our home, our family, and our future. I promise to love you unconditionally and to honor and cherish you forever and always. Te amo hermosa. Siempre y para siempre mi amor. Eres mi todo.”  _

He would forever be in awe and wonder that Olivia chose him and he was humbled for this. 

He knew he was often like a rogue wave hitting her with a lot and he knew the issues he had initially with Elliot placed her in a situation where she would often find herself stuck between two forces both trying to have the first splash on one island.

She was the calm to his storm and allowed his inner waves to rest peacefully. 

As he continued to look out onto the New York night the bundle in his arms became restless and started to softly whimper in his father’s arms. As he tried to softly rock the newborn back to sleep he heard a soft voice behind him. 

“Rafi.. He is getting hungry.” Olivia said as she started to sit up and softly Noah down the bed. 

As Rafael handed her their bundle he kissed her lips tenderly and brushed the stray hair out of her face as he smiled at her before settling beside Noah on the bed as he handed the newborn to her. 

“Thank you mi amor. He is beautiful. You both are beautiful.” He said as a tear rolled down his cheek. 

“Rafi..” 

She wiped away the tear and smiled at him while nursed their new son as Noah sleepily moved towards Rafael as he stretched out along Olivia’s side. They shared a smile with each other while Noah slept on his chest, hand gripping his t-shirt where the usual suspenders lay, like he had done since day one, while she held and nursed their newborn. 

“You know.. We still need to decide on a name for him since you now don’t like what we picked out months ago.” 

“I just don’t like the middle name anymore. I still love the idea of using your middle name for his first name. I just .. I can’t decide what I want to use with it.” 

“How about Matthew? That way both our boys can have strong biblical names.” He asked as he watched her think it over in her head before smiling at him. 

“Tomas Matthew Barba. It is perfect.” 

“Are you a Tomas Matthew?” He cooed as he nursed and they both chuckled. 

“Well that is settled. We now have a Tomas Matthew and a Noah Porter-Benson Barba.” Rafael said softly as he rested his head against Olivia’s. 

“It’s perfect mi amor.” She replied back as she snuggled her three boys. 


End file.
